H moving out tomorrow

[T-boned]

Gosh TL, I so identify with what you wrote. I, too, have felt and feel the same way. Ya,on days I'd see him I'd feel good for the rest of the day and then down the slope I'd go within a day or two after that.

It always feels like just when I think I have a handle on this whole thing, I'm feelin' good, feelin' strong, accepting of the situation and the ineveitable outcome, BAM, something happens and I melt. At least I haven't had any of those tear jerking, stomach aching crying spells in a long time where you can barely breathe or your eyes feel like they are on fire.

Tonight while I was driving out to the desert for work, I thought (again) about the reality of it all - put myself in his shoes (again)and (again) came to somewhat of an understanding of where I think his mind is- why he's doing what he's doing and being involved with this OW. All is based on how well I know him. And it all makes sense. But then I see something beautiful, interesting or silly and I want to share it with him. And I become sad because I can't.

Sounds like you are getting a lot done at home. I agree, not all the time alone is terrible. At least you can get things done at your own pace and not have to plan around someone else. Like you, I read Sandi's list, but feel it doesn't apply much to me anymore since I really don't have much contact with him and the divorce seems inevitable. My therapist thinks I'm probably having a hard time right now because I am working on our taxes, getting loan papers done for the house re-fi, working on the Assets/ Debts list for the mediator - all involves seeing our names together and then realizing we are splitting up.

Yes, doesn't it feel like time just drags on? Just three or four days feels like a month!

I know it feels good to have people post to your site. I will try and contribute more support instead of hijacking you with my stuff like I did just now. But I appreciate your comments and your support as well.

You may be down this weekend, but know you will come up out of it soon and be on the crest for a while. Cherish those days of strength and clarity, and use those down days to feel your sadness and frustration - let it out! Then try and let it go and/or give it to God!!! (However, sometimes I feel like God keeps throwing it back at me!!) :)You're dong very well, my friend. I'll check back soon.((Hugs))