WANT TO COAST ON FLAT LAND

[Ambivalent]

Today was emotional but in a very healthy way. John T.M. kept texting glorious affirmations/along with naughty provocative innuendo's...fun and nice. We'll see each other this coming week.

I also spent time with a friend of whom I withdrew during the "crisis". I finally told her everything, where I was, what I came through, how I feel ! Shared my past date and we giggled.

Went to daughter's and we discussed her profile on a dating site. Discussed how to make herself more open , how to flirt safely, and how to meet someone.

We discussed me dating , her comfort zone and yes she was VERY opinionated . I was not to date, ever. It was H. or nobody.

I teared up and said that I thought that was what I thought she'd feel. I shared with her how I felt when my mom started dating, and that I understood.
Then I asked her if she thought it was fair that her father got to do what he was doing, but I had to wall myself off.

She actually said no, and that she was more accepting of me being happy, than him doing what he was doing. I asked her when she would be more comfortable with me seeing someone, and she gave me a timeline... ha! I told her I would never force her to meet anyone, share holidays without her acceptance, and that she was my heart.

I wanted her to know that I was over my H. and that I'd grown too far to ever go back. I wanted her to know that I was not only okay but that I thought I was even better than before! She didn't have to worry about me, or feel she needed to always be there for me. I wanted her to see that I was strong and capable of letting someone into my heart, and that I was strong enough to not compromise my passions or love of myself.

Lots of tears, lots of hugs and lots of love.