That's incredible advice. I really realized when you spoke as my WAW, I have been completely inconsistent. I'm sending mixed messages all the time. Doesn't make any sense to me, how could it to her.
After reading your post, and the last few days thinking a lot, I have decided to go with the tough love approach. We had a conversation again today regarding scheduling, and I structured it as providing space for her and myself, and she is now receptive to it. We are meeting with a FT on Thursday.
I have taken down the pictures, and although my children have not been told exactly what is happening, they are not oblivious. I have suggested we have a family meeting where we explain what is going on. My wife is adverse to this, as she does not want to receive blame.
Our conversation today revolved around the kids. She keeps bringing up relationship conversations which I strive to avoid at this point.
My lines and boundaries have been set.
At this time, out only interaction will be around the kids transferring etc. We will be polite, but no friendship or support At this time, I have no interest in a relationship with her, we are not even close to that She will do activities certain days, and me the others. I am fortunate and have support most all the time. She will not, but I cannot be concerned
She was upset today that the rest of my family didn't interact with her at skating lessons. I said that I was no longer going to be protecting her. And then, she said I will be sorry , and again hinted at suicide. As we have noticed, she tends to threaten this to try and get a response that I care I believe. She was also suggestive and flirtatious as well. I think this is what you referred to as "tempt checking". I avoided any conversation and her advances, as tough as it was. I left the room to go for a cold shower. My plan is to implement the schedule starting Friday.
Perhaps the thing that spoke the most to me from your post, is as the LBS, I have no interest in being a doormat. You were spot on in how you get distracted into having your WAW around to help out. And I have been bending over backwards to make sure house is always clean, lunches made, laundry done etc. I need to stand up for myself, and make changes for myself
The things I have been working on are my parenting style, communication with my kids, and I guess my WAW, as well as improving my confidence and self-esteem. Part of that stems from the rejection I have just experienced. I have also become a much better listener, and am appreciating other peoples viewpoints a lot more. I have also determined that I would like my WAW in my life. I still care very deeply for her. However her A is a non starter for me. Nothing will happen until that is ended etc. I am starting to realize I can only control my own actions. This is so key. It's really about me!
My wife agreed with lots of the things we discussed today. This was a change from normal. However, I have no expectations that anything will change on her end.
