own buz 23:mediation to reconcilliation, PATIENCE!

[makingmagic]

"Honestly, I felt jilted. I felt that he would have possibly asked me to hang out/watch TV, but something better came along."
"Yes, I was "expecting" and had my hopes up for more for Saturday night. I was wanting to go out for that "beer" that he has mentioned a few times now."

Haven't changed. admitting to having expectations

"I wonder why he is so paralyzed from doing what he says he wants to do. This is not new behaviour, he was like this in our relationship too."

He is doing what he wants to do. He's just not doing what YOU want him to do. misunderstood (i see what you are trying to say) but misunderstood. He is paralyzed by fear (his fear of commitment & fear of things going back to the way they were pre-BD.. I am saying that this is his repeated pattern in our relationship, and my typical behaviour was to enable it

"I was careful not to push or to manipulate a way that would suggest hanging out, but I was leaving myself available during conversations. I was not hanging up first, etc. Although on Saturday afternoon, I did say "time for me to go" first. And left with a smile. I was just open and available. "

That's called manipulation. Yep, I see and accept that now that you say that.

"It may not be deliberate that he still dangles carrot, that I still chase. He is so paralysed by fear. Or maybe its manipulative, just to be self serving... I don't know."

What carrot? He wasn't dangling anything. You just keep thinking he is. You're the one who is being manipulative. I told you that those conversations that he talked to you were just that. Him opening up to you about his thoughts. YOU keep thinking it's going to lead to action. bk, but only because HE said HE will lead the ACTION. But yes, he is only opening up to me about his thoughts

"But... I know that its supposed to be clear as day, not confusing."

No, that's where you keep failing to understand.You misunderstood. I meant that I have heard that IF/WHEN they KNOW they are back they are quite clear about it being known. It takes a long time for them to figure things out. Although, that statement makes sense too, he is confused and admits it. He did say his actions don't match his wordsIt's not a sudden 'a-ha' moment, and even when the 'fog' is cleared, it takes a long time for things to resemble some sort of normalcy. There are always 'false starts' to piecing before things are normal again.I have heard about these "false starts" do you know where I can read about other false starts or recall a thread I can follow? To read how others dealt with it too?

"I am trying to not fall into old behaviours here. I am struggling within myself. I took a chance over the weekend. I did something that the old Magic wouldn't have done. I opened myself up to "wait & see" if he was going to make a move or not. He did not. Now, I feel hurt that I was vulnerable. This is my own doing. Yes, I know. The old Magic would have tried to manipulate or steer a way that he would have felt obligated to ask me... and now, I am hurt and want to close myself back up."

You did try to manipulate. YOu're still the 'old' Magic. I don't know how many times we've ALL told you that. OK, I did part of the 'old' Magic.. Not sure what the "new" Magic should have done/behaved?

"The new Magic feels that since she wants to raise the bar, I need to hold true to my values and not accept his "excuses" of why we didn't have a beer."

What excuses? He just said he went out with a friend. Period. YOU continue to read things into it.As per his old commitment phobia, he did give "excuses" of why we didn't have a beer this past week. I had written, that he said "if it wasn't so late, he would have suggested a beer"

"Tomorrow, I will state that I require my name to be on the business, that it has been yet another month. That I need my future to be financial secure. What can we do today that will get the ball rolling?"

Same old magic. He doesn't do something that YOU expect him to, then you punish him by "standing your ground". Pattern after pattern repeated over and over again.confusing Bond, as others (vets) have encouraged me to continue through with getting my finances in order, regardless of him. Do you still feel the way you do, or do you join the majority on this one?

"This is truly difficult, but reading you sitch it appears that you analyze and look for angles on everything."

Amazing hot total strangers pick up on this the very first time, yet you continue to deny it.did not deny it... agreed with it almost verbatim!! where did I deny it? did u "assume" and not really read my comment? Is it that late? Do you need glasses? LOL (j/k)