Part 2-H moving out

[Georgiabelle]

Thank you. Fun day. Played soccer with the kids and showed off my kicky pedicure.

[Georgiabelle]

Everyone ready to crack out the. 2 x 4s? Here we go....,

I had a feeling h was going to get a little wacky yesterday. So I checked his twitter feed ( I'm blocked but it's public ). Oh my. He apparently drank all afternoon in the college town where I graduated from college and tweeted his activities. The tweets started coming every minute. Lots of expletives and then that he just wanted someone to want him. Then someone to f him. Followed by more expletives and that he just wanted someone to love him. Followed by he could fix it all if he had time. ( May have been referencing getting shot down by a chickadee- I'm mind reading which is impossible )Followed by he thought he was done crying alone in his car. And that he hated himself and he felt so stupid.

And I realized something. I had empathy for him but I looked at my kids and realized this is the 40 yr old father of my kids. Having a breakdown to a bunch of people he doesn't really know and is seeking their validation. didn't reach out to him. Didn't feel hurt that he can't realize that I love him. His kids love him and his parents love him. It's sad , but clearly he is somewhere else. And it just reminded me that h thinks happiness is external and we know it's within you. Someone else doesn't give it to you.

I can't tell you I don't miss him, but I miss the person I was with- not this attention monger. I did reject him repeatedly in our marriage and I should not have. I wish we had communicated this with each other more effectively. But , we didn't.

I'm going to keep DBing. H is clearly in an unusual place and it's so odd to think this guy is airing all if his laundry. ( I realize I'm here but I'm at least incognito . I know I was wrong for checking. I just ran with instinct. I'm okay and as I'm snuggled up next to my 4 yr old , I know there will be more difficult days. But I'm going to be okay.

Thanks for listening to me ramble. And swat me over the head:)

[job]

I'm very sorry you had to read his "poor me" tweets. A lot of them do this and it's their way of gaining attention and sympathy about their plight. Unfortunately, those who are tweeting w/him most likely don't know the true situation.

Yes, you can have empathy for the man, but not his behavior. This is another sad example as to how far they will go to gain attention and who knows...maybe he's hoping one of his tweeters will come and rescue him from his plight.

Continue as you have been and allow the man upstairs to repair this broken man.

[Georgiabelle]

Great advice:)

[bluesgal]

Oh GB your H sounds like a hot mess right now. It's hard to watch someone you love spiral out of control. I rarely do any snooping anymore as it hurts too much and puts me in a mindset where I am short and angry and then our time together is always a bad experience.

Keep loving those kiddos and letting your H go on his journey.

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks BG. It's strange. It is literally like watching someone I don't know. And when I see this ( it's probably not a good idea to drink on a max dosage of Effexor and mirapex ) I remind myself that this is the father of my kids. Wtf happened???? He's talking about how lonely he is and he left. This is the same man who used to laugh at peeps who put their caca out for public consumption. But again, as my 9 yr old said, " Daddy is out to lunch. Maybe permanently." I just told her he was in a difficult place.

I'm excited about seeing my therapist this week. We are working on some stuff:-)

[Georgiabelle]

Good lord. Crack out the 2x4s as I am about to speak about h and I need not let him occupy my thoughts.

H was on a date this weekend with someone in college. I have no desire to be 22 again but I'm struggling with the fact that the man I've spent 12 years with and 3 kids is hanging out with college students. I know. I can't control it or him. Just trying to digest it as this feels like a bad movie.

Ready for therapy on Thursday.

[bluesgal]

Oh my,

What's next? The red convertable? Was the girl's name Bambi?

No 2x4's for venting a horrible event. I'm so sorry GB! These H are not living lives that are sustainable. Whenever I discover something awful like this I take a deep breath and look around me at home. I am with 2 amazing kids that laugh every day with me. I have a warm family home. The phone rings with friends and family every evening. I can lay my head on my pillow and sleep knowing I've made decisions I can be proud of.

Our H have NONE of those things. They are living empty lives that will prove to be unfulfilling. The problem is that by the time they figure that out, the collateral damage is astounding.

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks BG. Decisions I can be proud of - I need to remind myself of that. I am extremely flawed, but I really try to do the right thing and be the best person I can be. Thank you:) I will let you know if he's wearing a gold chain in the am :/)

[bluesgal]

GB,
We all made mistakes in our M. But, the amount of work that those of us on these boards put in to better ourselves is amazing.

Unfortunately it took BD and our lives turning upside down to 'get it', but we're here none the less. I have done personal counseling for months, read many books including my bible, met with spiritual life coaches, went on retreats. Everything that my H complained about is now gone or no longer an issue. So...I guess that's not really where his unhappiness comes from hence MLC being HIS issue.

I'm glad that you are very independent. That will help you with this process as so many of us here were not. My independence was a complaint by my H. He felt I did everything without acknowledging him and that I was indifferent towards him. In hindsight, I never realized how much I DID depend on him. Life has been an adjustment.

Gold chain...haha. I guess we have to find humor where we can!