I think I belong here....

[praying_in_GA]

He just went to go to bed. I have the toddler on my lap. He leaned down to kiss her head then looked over and kissed me goodnight. I thanked him for going today and told him we all had a great time. He said "Yea, it was a good day."

[unbidden]

Nice.

[tbm4evr]

That's nice ..happy to hear it!

[praying_in_GA]

Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see... Right?

[cat04]

Depends...

Why do you ask?

[praying_in_GA]

Well, he has pretty much decided to join the Navy once he graduates. So, we were discussing that fun little plan. He said he knows that we won't move with him. He was talking about how he is actually excited about this new experience. I told him that I wanted to apologize for refusing to move to Seattle with him. (a few friends and I were talking about this the other day) I told him that I realized that meant I was choosing my grandparents over him and that wasn't fair. He was my husband and that was a selfish act on my part. He said "Thank you. That is very big of you. I wondered about it at the time but didn't see the point in talking to you about it. I just wish you would have said this sooner."



Anyway, everything has been rolling along as usual. If you didn't know our marriage was on the rocks, I doubt you would be able to tell. He is buying my coffee in the morning, making me/us dinner at night, asking if he can get me anything, etc. I am being happy and interactive. I am trying to get up and out and do more things. This is his spring break so he will be home all week. He has plans to go shoot pool with his Dad one day this week but otherwise said he will be home. This morning he wanted to take us all to breakfast but my tummy is not happy so he just took the big kids.

[praying_in_GA]

So, should I show him any affection at all? If we just live around each other and do our own thing then nothing has changed. Doing things as a family or as a couple would be a change from the norm.

[praying_in_GA]

I'm having a bad night tonight. I'm crying and just all around sad.

[TL72*]

I'm sorry, I hope you have a better day today.
Don't let him see you crying, try and do that in private. I used to do it in the bathtub until he moved out. I know sometimes it's hard to control. Find some music that makes you feel better. For me I listen to something aggressive like old White Zombie or Rob Zombie because it makes me feel strength. weird I know. There are going to be a lot of bad nights, especially when you're living in limbo. When mine finally moved out (only a few weeks ago) I really felt like I was being torn in half. It was the most horrible night ever for me. After that it was better because I wasn't living it every day. I didn't want him to leave but it actually helped my mental situation I think. As far as the affection goes, I was doing that at first but then it wasn't working, he accepted it yes but did not reciprocate at all. Then I discovered it was pursuing behavior. I stopped doing that but we slept in the same bed and ML most nights. That I think is a personal decision and as long as you can do it without feeling used or having expectations. Keep reading all you can. Try different things and see what works.

[praying_in_GA]

Oh no, I never allow him to see me cry....anymore :-P

I feel like affection...even simple things like telling him hello when I come home...would be a total 180 from our marriage in recent times.

In my head, I am planning everything out for being a single parent. In my heart I am holding onto the hope that things will work out well.

My bad night last night was sparked by trying to figure out how to work night shift while raising the kids. Who will watch them at night while I work? Who will pick them up from practice, feed them dinner, and love them? My husband is a great dad...but he is going to make their lives so difficult when he joins the Navy or moves across the country.