melissa

[melissag]

Email from H today. Would love to hear objective perspectives.

BTW, I did make it clear that *I* do not feel comfortable sending D9 on this field trip. I never said it had anything to do with HER not wanting to go.

I've thought a lot about this issue over the weekend and I feel very strongly that D9 should go on this field trip. I feel that we have done our children a great disservice in the way that we have raised them to date. In particular, I believe that the number one ingredient to success in life is ability to deal with adversity. I believe that we have not adequately exposed our children to adversity in order to instill in them the confidence that they can overcome it. I'm not blaming you for this; I think we both have let our desire to protect our children and ensure their happiness overcome their need to be exposed to discomfort.

I am not saying that we should beat our children in order to teach them how to deal with adversity. What I'm saying is that when a question like this arises - should we expose D9 to something that may be uncomfortable for her for the sake of a potentially positive learning experience? - I absolutely believe we should subject her to the discomfort of an 8 hour car ride and a 6:30 drop off in order to get her that learning experience. And if we don't send her, I think we send her a terrible message - if there's the potential for something to be difficult or uncomfortable for you, don't do it.

I know that you sent me an email awhile ago about how you recognized that you'd been controlled by fear for so long and how freeing it was not to let fear control you. From my perspective, it looks like you have reverted to this behavior (or never believed what you were saying in the first place) in our interaction. But I will acknowledge that I can't, and don't, see things from your perspective at this point and you may have other reasons for your actions. I hope that that email wasn't bullshit. I hope that you can see that the opportunities available to you and our kids from taking chances and doing things that may be uncomfortable for you and them.

This field trip is a pretty small thing - there are going to be a lot more difficult decisions on down the road. But I think sending D9 is a step in the right direction.