Hi 25, Thanks for checking in. I've had a strange few days. I've been off work with the kids and it's been nice spending time with them. My house meanwhile is in an absolute state but I can clean it later :-)
Sat was a bad day for me. I found out my H us escalating things with his lawyers. I hasn't heard from him after the car issue on Thursday. And as hard as it was I even bit my tongue and didn't give out about it as I once would have. (180 for me). Although his behaviour was still weird. On Thursday I tried to phone him about car and he didn't answers, but texted asking was everything ok. I didn't reply as I suddenly had the car and was busy trying to get all my stuff done. Then 3 hours later he sends a snarky text saying 'I guess everything is fine then' I mean really. Why does he care? He has made his position clear. Anyway back to Sat. I was just feeling down and sad anyway, then out of nowhere he texts and announces he is taking our 2 eldest to the zoo Sunday. I replied pointing out that they had plans in the afternoon and there isn't really enough money for the zoo. He said i told you last weekend I was doing this. I replied that he had actually said he would take the on Sat and he hasn't mentioned it again the whole week. (Trying to establish boundaries like my IC said) To which he replied 'go **** yourself I won't bother' I know I shouldn't have but i rose to it. I replied that HE has made these choices, not me. And I wasn't saying not to see them but to maybe reconsider his plans around those the kids already had. Then he replied this : 'Im sorry, I forgot that you are the victim in this' Say what!?!? How on earth can he possibly see himself as the victim? I replied: 'I am not a victim. I fully acknowledge my short comings as a wife. I am prepared to work hard and sort out my issues. I did not throw you out. I didn't want you to leave. You will not talk to me. You will not attend counselling. I don't know what you expect from me.'
I know I shouldn't have done that, it broke so many rules. But really!! I have no idea where his anger at me is coming from. He won't tell me what I have done to make him leave. I would love to know what he has told his friends he is staying with. And I am aware now he is talking tongues family a lot more than I was aware. It seems all these people have a better idea of his reasons than I do. After that above he messaged asking me about a counselling/mediation organisation and if I would see them. He has deliberately chosen a different one to the one I know, to where we did our pre marriage course, where I see my IC. I told him I would prefer to continue with them to which he said ok.
It's funny. He is really angry aggressive via text message. But when I see him in person he is almost friendly and normal. It's like he can't do it face to face so hides behind his phone. When I see him in person he almost seems normal. He is planning a day out today with his guy friends, and was asking me about where his good shoes are (that he got for our wedding!), then he is telling his mans for day. I don't want to hear it! And why is he telling me? He doesn't want me to be part of his life apparently!
There have been so many other strange things from him. Another mother at my daughters school said she saw him the other day (she knows what's happening) and our kids wanted a play date arranged. He started chatting to get about it and said things like 'we live here..'??? Why say that when he has been gone 2 months? Other family friends came over yesterday while he was here and he again kept up the charade. I just don't get it. Surely he knows they will notice when he finally takes all his stuff and the house is sold? If he is so sure, why not tell them. Is he ashamed? And if so shouldn't that tell him something?
He did end up taking our eldest. 2 out yesterday. He wouldn't take all 3 as it's too difficult to manage. How does he think i manage everyday?! And if we split is he only ever going to take 2 at a time?
He still isn't touching any money. He is still relying on his friends generosity apparently. Surely that has to be wearing thin?
I am trying to GAL. I mac going to church and praying a lot more. I have reached out to a prayer group for support, the only problem is they are based a very long way from me. Thank god for Fb! And I have been making an effort to get out even just to playgrounds with the kids, and reaching out to old friends. It's so hard though!
So I spent most of sat in floods of tears, trying to hide from my kids. But they noticed mummy is sad and kept giving me cuddles, asking if I'm ok. They are such sweethearts.
