[BrightFuture]

Thanks, Job. I’m just a little afraid to have too much hope. I’ve been doing good so far managing the expectations in my head.

Speaking about hope… I was at my sister’s yesterday and told them about my weekend in Mexico. I haven’t even finished half of the story when my BIL (sister’s H) said that it looks like my H is making some definite moves. He even joked that H will have to get an approval from the family if he wants to get back together with me. Then I got very contradicting advice.

First my BIL told me to not make any moves towards H and have some patience, let him miss me more, let him come to me. Just keep the status quo.

Then he told me that I either have to talk to H and make my move towards reconciliation, or I need to completely lose him out of my life and have no contact. According to them, I need to move on with my life, that I’m losing the precious time. That if I don’t resolve this now, it will be dragging for even longer. I either need to get together with H, or find me a new BF. They said that by allowing these kinds of situations (last weekend) I just prolong the suffering by elevating my hopes... Which would mean that I would not be looking for a new R…

This all comes from people who were never in a situation like this. This is the first marriage for both of them, my sister and her H. So, I’m still amazed how people who never experienced a break up could give me this kind of advice. I listened to their opinions. Then I told them that the time for me is going by no matter what. That it takes time to heal from the broken R. That I don’t have any expectations or hope. Well, I do have hope, but I didn’t want to admit it to them. I told my BIL that we just don’t know what is on H’s head, he might be just trying to be friends. BIL said that according to what I described, he thinks that H showed some interested and it looks like more than just for friendship.

I brought this up because quite frankly I’m surprised at everybody’s reaction to the latest events. I’m the one who is the least optimistic about this. Everybody else sees some very positive signs. Like I said, I keep my expectations in check. I’m just wondering if I am being oblivious, if I missing some opportunity.

The only person who thinks that H is perfectly happy is my son. I guess my H was so happy to see them last weekend, plus he can put a happy face anytime and anywhere. He was always very sociable and upbeat person, especially in public. And, my son doesn’t know any other details about my sitch, I just don’t discuss it with him.

I completely agree with Job, that if H wants back in, he will find the way. The only thing is that it still feels like my BIL said that life is going by. It still feels like I’m stuck in one place and not moving forward. I can’t say that I’m waiting for H anymore. I don’t even think about him all the time. I think it is just my job situation. When I find work, I will resume all my GAL activities. I do some now, but it is limited to the things I don’t have to pay for. I cannot say that all these time in limbo land was wasted for nothing. I’ve learnt a lot about relationships and about myself. I developed a huge deal of patience and understanding of other peoples’ views. Thanks to this board and to all wonderful people here!