How does one resist the urge to say during a separation, "You want out? Get out!" Essentially, kicking her out.
That's a daily struggle for me.
Stop letting your anger play such a huge HUGE role in your life. You're not well served by it.
You are here in large part b/c of it. I would not look to your anger and resentment for guidance. Nor would I concern myself at all with the possible EA with OM who isn't really a threat. I mean, talk about deflecting away from your own work...
Focus on yourself a whole lot more. Stay in your "sandbox" and out of hers. That's where I'd start if I were in your shoes.
And it's also where I'd end up being-- in MY own sandbox working on MY own stuff.
It's not the spouses job to "teach a lesson" to a WAS or to "show them the consequences of their choices". Those are euphemisms we use to tell ourselves it's okay, but in reality we are simply punishing our spouses for rejecting us, even when in their eyes, we have rejected/critisized them for a long time...so it's more of the same old us...
As my DB coach said LIFE teaches them lessons/shows consequences. Not us.
And no offense but You have a lot of stuff in your sandbox to work on...the temper and the punitive nature of your posts here, along with the frequent comments about issues other than yours, do not bode well. They reek of control issues.
Your wife fears if she returns to the marriage, she'll be hurt again. You need to get that.
The "Secret" here is that a [b] WAS only returns to a marriage
IF they believe it can be a better/different marriage than before.
What evidence does she have, of that? What are YOU DOING (not saying) to show change on your end?
.[/b]
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
