I have moved on , but I always wish for a happier ending
What exactly would a happier ending look like? If you're like me, I suspect it would be that he figures himself out and reconnects with his kids at some point. That there's "reconciliation" (not to be confused with reconnection with you).
I was talking to an old friend the other day. His exW cheated and ran off when his kids (same ages as mine) were little. Since then, they have been able to parent together. I do know what you mean by that, although for many of us that's not in the future. Myself included. The thing that caught me off-guard is that he is going through some serious medical issues in the coming weeks. Potentially life-changing. And guess who wants to be there by his side? His exW. We joked that her H might not appreciate that. My buddy mentions that all these years later he still loves her. Surprised me.
But then it made sense. There is that bond of first spouse. That won't go away. In that sense, there's no closure, per se.
What there is, is acceptance that they are not that person. What there can be is reconciliation of the past (i.e. acceptance and forgiveness). You can move on and have different, and often better relationships in the future.
Why do MLCr's seem to pick what we might consider scumbags or nut jobs as their OP to runaway with? Are they punishing themselves? Finding somebody more screwed up than their own head? Poor self-esteem?
<shrugs> Would they ever pick somebody we would agree with? Doubtful
I don't know that you can permanently put the feelings down to a point you don't feel something when out of the blue "postcards" come in. But you do have ways of dealing with it, and you can have a great life for you and your kids. And you can hope the best for your ex and others like him.
Mirage is right - it's our life. It's up to us to live it our way as an individual just as we came into this life and will leave it. Closure might not be the right word for the way things happen. Might be better put as the end of an era or chapter in our life.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
