Strange days...

[lovethehub]

She talks about how I hurt her and I catch myself getting defensive so I try to stop the conversation. I'm sick so I sound really upset. Which I was but it seemed to amplify it. I just tell her I'll pick her up after work.

She left because of your anger and rage which leads me to believe that she wasn't able to talk to you about she felt. Is that true? Where you receptive to her feelings? If you weren't, you really need to listen now. Listen with the ear that wants to make your M work and do not show her you are upset. Honestly listen to how you made her feel, understand it, and tell her "I am very sorry I made you feel that way. I wish I hadn't and all I can do now is my best to be sure it never happens again".

I don't do it with the intent to get something from her. My manipulation is based on her belief system. If she feels guilty or played then basically that's me manipulating her.

I'm not sure what you mean. Did you manipulate her? If you don't think you did but she does, you did. The real question is, is she crazy and twists things around or do you need to examine your part and see your manipulation. People who have anger issues often tend to be manipulators.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm cake eating. I mean, there are about 3-4 women I'm currently chatting with(gone out with one girl twice). I'm clear to everyone that I'm just looking for friends to go out with. It's all in the name of socializing with new people, something that is a definite 180 for me. I usually stick with my core group of friends.

If you really want to work on your M you have no business chatting with 3-4 women. Trust me, as a women, I can almost guarantee it "isn't clear you are just looking for friends to go out with". Where are you chatting with these women? What type of site? If you are looking for new friends, outside of your core group, join a gym, go walk your dog in a dog park, etc. Online chatting, if you don't know each other, typically means you are looking for something more than just friends and I am pretty sure that you know that.

I tried validating by keeping quiet and apologized.

While keeping quiet is better than telling her she is wrong, it is by no means validating. Apologizing is great but unless you can share with that you understand how you made her feel, it doesn't make a difference. I don't mean saying "I know how you feel", either. I mean saying "I am sorry, I understand that by doing xxx I made you feel xxx. I didn't mean to and I will do my best not to do it again".

I guess when she's mad she only replies with one word answers. Weird.

It isn't weird, it is her way of trying to get you to understand you have hurt her without saying it.

she then started talking about our relationship and she wanted me to know that she tried. I've heard that before. I just listened even though I wanted to say that she didnt try hard enough.

That is your opinion and try to remember that you both have a different experience of the same situation. You admit you had anger issues and that is why she left. There is a great chance that she tried as best she could, for as many years as she could, until the pain, loneliness, anger, whatever got the best of her and she had to go to save herself. How many years did she try for before leaving?

Oh ya, last night she had another breakdown and was crying. She was texting me and asked if I was upset with her. I have no clue why she said that.

If she is asking you this it is because she is picking up on something from you - you may not even be aware of something you are doing. Watch what you are doing because you always want to be happy and friendly around her, show her the best you. There isn't a single person who can predict the outcome of this but the things you share here seem to show she isn't done and she is keeping a foot in and assessing how things are.