After, the boys and I headed to a petting zoo for opening day. We ran into my SIL and BIL and nephew as well as my H's cousins and their little girl. I had not idea they were heading there. They evidentially asked my H to join them but he said no because it was not his day with the kids. The kids had a blast playing together. We all had lunch together before heading back for S1's nap.
It was the perfect day. I was a little bit sad about the prospect of losing my H's family if we get D. My H has a huge extended family that all live locally. All of his cousins are the same age so it is fun to hang out with them and their children. They have been my family for more than half my life. Boo
The weather is absolutely beautiful today. I am so excited for the spring and summer. I can already tell that it will be a huge boost to my PMA.
My former SIL and I are still close. (My oldest brother was a fool to leave her & yes, I said that at the time). I've actually spent more time with her than with him, come to think of it. We vacation together at least once a year and I'm close to my niece that way too. I have never done something like vacation with that brother...
My ex SIL was like a sister to me and I told her she always would be. We don't live in the same state. So that's hard,but is not related to the divorce.
You CAN maintain r's with his family but to be clear, ask him if that's okay with him (you don't have to "obey" him but if he says 'sure', like he may if he feels any guilt, then you have that to lean on when he notices that you actually can be with his family, NOT trash him, and keep going...)
I have another brother (5 in all) who divorced and when I tried to stay in touch with my sil in that situation, she invariably bad mouthed my brother to me. Even in front of the kids. I came to see that my visits were NOT helping those nieces, it was possibly hurting them b/c that sil would say "I HATE your brother", or "he is SO selfish that..." and go on.
WTH do I do with that? After the 3-4th visit with those things said, I gave up and only saw those nieces when my brother had them. I didn't see that x sil again til their youngest got married.
So if you want to maintain a relationship with his family, you just have to know Not to discuss HIM...and answer their questions, IF they ask, truthfully but never in front of the kids.
I think you might be perfectly capable of not losing them.
In our family, my oldest brother lost out on more family things, than his ex w did. (I mean, literally).
Then She remarried & quite happily. (I believe she's happier with her "new h" --16 years now) than she could ever have been with my brother.
My brother also remarried, a lovely woman. She has very low expectations of my oldest brother. See? A Win win I guess.
Good luck
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
