Went to a wine and dinner event last night, and had a great time, met lots of people, couples, solos and singles. Ring on, BTW.
Of course, on way home, I was thinking how much W would have enjoyed it. How I wish I could ask her on a date.
W called me just before I went out last night. No real reason for the call either - may have been wondering where I was going, who knows, doesn't matter. She told me a bit about her work day, and I sympathized. Again I told her how proud I was that she has taken this job on and is putting so much effort into it.
The irony in all of this is that her having a job changes our dynamic so much. She had a job for the first 5 years we were together, and only gave it up when kids came along. I realize how much her career means to her now, and how much she has missed it. It really lights her up, and I find her more attractive when she's this ambitious. I think that was part of our M problem. When she quit working, she lost part of what drew me too her. If she had gone back to work a year ago, I think we would have been in a totally different place. And now that she's becoming that person that I found most intriguing again, she has OM and doesn't want me in the picture.
And I've thought about this. It's not that I didn't value what she was doing by staying with kids. We both wanted that because we thought it would be best for kids to have someone to come home to instead of daycare. But we were really blind to the cost to her. I think it's just that after work conversation was much more interesting when we both brought new work problems to the table, and things got one sided and we drifted.
I praise her when she brings up work because it's the only way I can think of to let her know how much I admire what she's doing, and how it is making her so fulfilled and happy. I hope it doesn't come across as pursuit or anything negative.
I'm keenly trying to 180 past behavior and listen and value everything she says, but that is so difficult when the opportunities aren't there.
