This is what i am thinking (only thinking) about telling him...if talking to him is a good idea in the first place and if what i am thinking is any good as well: ( if you think it's a good idea to talk to h I don't want to come across as preachy or confrontational etc etc)
"That this situation no longer works for me and the kids. You come and visit about every 5 to 6 weeks and stay a week. Not staying at the house and just coming and going as you please no longer works for us. I appreciate the positive environment we have created between one another as well as the steps you have been making towards reconnecting with the kids and the family. I admire the strength in you doing that.
This no longer works because if we are to be a family, this family needs to heal. And that is not possible anymore with this current arrangement. It does not suit the reality. The kids need you to commit to them. They should no longer have to accommodate their feelings for you.
Me and the kids have healed in several ways already. But that healing has been without you. My own healing has been without you. I have no intentions of living as a single woman and a single parent. That does not work for me either.
I realise you need time. I realise you are on a journey yourself. We are both relearning and readjusting to life.
This is not a threat or an ultimatum. I propose that when you are in town you stay at the house. Other stuff will be figured out in its own time. However, for the sake of the kids, not being home is not an option anymore.
Also that you visit more often or we meet you more often. You only have snapshots of the kids' lives. It's time for them to have their father as a real person in their lives. The alternative? I suppose the alternative is for me and the kids to continue moving forward with our lives without you. Not much different than now.
You may be able to do these things now, later or never. But we are here now. We may not be here later. And we will never be ok with this continuing situation. "
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
