melissa

[melissag]

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melissa

So, by way of update.

I texted H (I can't copy the text bc it disappeared for some reason, so this is paraphrasing):

H, thanks for your thoughts on the field trip issue. I have thought about what you said and agree with much of it, but I just feel very uncomfortable about the whole thing. Can we agree that missing one field trip won't kill her, and I will stay home with her and help her with the homework so we make sure she doesn't miss a piece of the curriculum?

His immediate response:

Let me think about the field trip. The problem here is that we were never good at resolving conflicts pre-divorce and I don't see how we're any better now. No, missing one field trip won't kill her, but neither will going on one field trip.

I will be interested to hear what this sounds like to an objective person. To me, it really grated on my nerves. I am not sure exactly why, I need to mull it over a bit, but I got that awful feeling that I used to get when we would disagree, which was that my H would never just stick to the topic. I can't count the number of times I said to him, "can we just have the conversation?" because he couldn't keep on point. I fail to see how the problem is that we were never good at resolving conflicts, or what the point is in saying that.

And I'm sorry, but it's fairly obvious to me that this is about power/control for him.

I am hoping that merely feeling as though he has a say in this will satisfy that. He tends to want to be seen (and see himself) as a martyr, so it's possible he will go that route, and "allow" me to keep her home.