melissa

[melissag]

I don't see that there's any keeping the peace to be done, he doesn't seem angry. I see it as reasonable adults discussing what's best for their D and coming to middle ground, a win-win. In doing that sometimes you have to give a little.

There is no middle ground here. Either she goes on the trip or she doesn't. It's not like, well, she could go for half the trip. Or half of her could go on the whole trip. There is no compromise.

Yes, sometimes you have to give a little. I have given a lot. This is the ONE battle I am picking with my H since BD! (Or you could say he is picking it with me.)

I see this as an opportunity to set the tone for ongoing decisions you'll have to make about the kids. It's a small, relatively benign situation so the consequences of a "wrong" decision either way aren't huge. The payoff however, can be enormous.

To YOU it may be small and benign but to me it isn't.

There have been 1,000 small and benign situations since BD, and I have set the cooperative tone in 99% of them, by STFU about things I don't like, agreeing to things that make H's life easier even though it makes my life more difficult, etc.

This one isn't small and benign to me, that is exactly why I am not giving in.

I'm on your side, but that doesn't mean I'll always agree with you. This is tough stuff and we need people to challenge our long held beliefs, or at least that's what I needed. You may want something different. I also learned that when a post made me sting, it meant I had work to do.

I get it that you are trying to help me, I appreciate that, and I don't want people to always agree with me. I am here to be challenged and for people to call me on my BS, as well as to be supported and hopefully help other people. I just feel as though you don't understand where I am coming form on this issue, but I don't know how to explain it any better.

I get it. I truly do. I need to give a little. I need to discuss things with my H. I need to try to have a good co-parenting R with him. I have done well more than my share in making that happen, but I am not going to go against my values to make him happy, or in the name of being amicable or cooperative or whatever.

Am I *still* missing something?