1) Personally, I wouldn't offer to do b-days together. I see what Wonka is saying, but I think she'll read this as pursuing. Put the parenting plan in place based on worst case...you can always be more flexible. I think this works best when you have the day, and offer to share it.
2) Have you talked to more than the 1 attorney? If not, it may be worth getting a 2nd or 3rd consultation to see if you get some differing opinions on how to approach the custody/visitation besides filing for D.
It seems odd to me that she snatched your kids up, accused you of abuse, moved 4 hours away, limits your visitation, and yet you send her money.
3) Lastly....you are very wordy with your responses. I agree with the suggestions of pairing this stuff down significantly. The more wordy you get, the more you let control and hope of R seep into your words. And sometimes, less is more.
The saying, "believe nothing of what they say, and only half of what they do"....that goes for you too. You want her to know you are focused on being great co-parents and that you respect her choices (not agree....respect)? SHOW her. This is hard stuff, and you may have to fake it until you make it, but she is watching you more than she's listening to you.
Scorp, I vote for the mod's from Melissa and Wonka as well!
Now, your W is more than likely going to reject your proposal outright. Because SHE wants to be in control and SHE thinks she knows what's best for the kids. So prepare yourself right now for that. I don't think you'll be able to negotiate anything with your W based on what you've posted about her in the past. At least you can say you tried, but I'm afraid pursuing D is about your only option to getting more time with the kids.
Hi W, thanks for giving me some time before responding to your last email.
Thanks for letting me know about D6's immunizations. I agree that it is a good idea for her to have them done and having them done at the private clinic is likely best.
Great to hear that the RESP is getting setup for S2.
As you know, I need to focus on my mother right now as she is very ill. Her doctors tried chemo again but it didn't work this time. However, I do think it is important that we address the parenting time issue.
I propose that we alternate weeks with the children, as it is important for them to have equal time with both parents. I would move to W's town to make this as easy as possible on the children.
In the event one of us was unable to care for the kids during the time they were with us the other parent would be the first option to care for the kids. For example, if you needed to be away for work or some other event and could not care for the kids during that time then the kids would be with me.
For birthdays and other special events can we plan to come together for the kids? Possibly plan them together as well? Our kids would be so happy to have both of us with them for these things.
As you would agree, it is important for our children to have equal time with their parents. We both love them to bits! What are your thoughts on this proposed plan?
Thanks, Scorp
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
This is much better than the first version...wouldn't you agree? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hi W, thanks for giving me some time before responding to your last email.
Thanks for letting me know about D6's immunizations. I agree that it is a good idea for her to have them done and having them done at the private clinic is likely best.
Great to hear that the RESP is getting setup for S2.
As you know, I need to focus on my mother right now as she is very ill. Her doctors tried chemo again but it didn't work this time. However, I do think it is important that we address the parenting time issue.
I propose that we alternate weeks with the children, as it is important for them to have equal time with both parents. [Remove THIS SENTENCE: I would move to W's town to make this as easy as possible on the children.--It would most definitely spook W!]
In the event one of us was unable to care for the kids during the time they were with us the other parent would be the first option to care for the kids. For example, if you needed to be away for work or some other event and could not care for the kids during that time then the kids would be with me.
For birthdays and other special events can we plan to come together for the kids? Possibly plan them together as well? Our kids would be so happy to have both of us with them for these things. [It would be good to give W two options...celebrate birthedays separately or organize them together. This gives W a choice in this matter]
As you would agree, it is important for our children to have equal time with their parents. We both love them to bits! What are your thoughts on this proposed plan?
Wonka, absolutely, MUCH better! Since my W and I have so little communication right now ever message is huge! Thanks again so much to all of you for your input
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
Just noticed you suggested removing the sentence about my moving to her town. I agree, it might spook her but since she's 4 hours away I would have to be in the same town for the kids to be with me half the time. I could change it to say "move to the area" but I'd have to be close to the kids school for sure.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
I'm thinking she would wonder how we could split time with the kids unless I am going to be there? I had a family member read the message without that line and they thought I was suggesting the kids be in two schools. That obviously wouldn't work so I thought I needed to be clear that I would move to the area so the kids would have everything the same other than having two homes.
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
"For birthdays and other special events can we plan to come together for the kids? Possibly plan them together as well? Our kids would be so happy to have both of us with them for these things. Otherwise, we could adjust the schedule to ensure that the kids are with one of us for one year and then the other parent the next year."
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
