Thanks so much for asking... I have not been posting as I was coming up to trial date (settlement) and didn't want to prejudice anything by posting what was going on. I've been reading along with you all though.
Short version is that trial was par for the mlc course.
Long version is as follows: Those who are familiar with my sitch may recall that XH filed a notice of discontinuance - meaning that he withdrew from all proceedings (because he didn't want to produce any financial documentation).
I was left to carry on with settlement via an undefended trial.
Sounds good, but reality is that without the other party being represented, there is a huge onus on the petitioner to show evidence for fairness of their claim.
The conclusion of months of preparation for the trial was that XH would be highly likely to be prosecuted on multiple counts related to financial dealings.
In this context we offered to proceed via consent orders to each keep whatever we currently had and avoid the cost of going to trial. This meant that I was left with all the marital debt, but kept the heavily-mortgaged house and my superannuation. No compensation for the huge amounts he had squandered... but there appeared to be no way that he would be able to pay them back and in this case, the likelihood was that the family court would not order him to - if you don't have the assets, you simply can't be made to split them.
So, so far, so unfair... After weeks of to-ing and fro-ing with a draft of consent orders, we got to the last days. My L sent XH (who has chosen not to have legal representation) what we thought was a penultimate draft, two days before trial.
XH did not respond.
Then, at 1-minute to COB on the night before the trial was due to start at 10am next morning, my L received a demand from XH that he re-write a number of clauses.
XH was insisting, for example, that we list monetary values against all property and assets, such that his businesses were worth "NIL", his 2011 BMW was worth "NIL", his possessions were worth "NIL", etc, etc whilst my house was worth its full value (conveniently forgetting that it was mortgaged to the hilt). You get the drift. It was pathetic and sad.
L got back to XH to explain that any $ amounts needed to be based on independent valuations and that it was him, in the first place, who had refused to allow this to occur.
Xh responded at 9pm that night appearing to say that he would be OK with the draft being signed off in the morning, prior to the trial.
On the basis of months of negotiations beforehand, both L and I believed that XH had no interest in going ahead with the trial - and this had even been agreed between XH and L at a pre-trial hearing 3 weeks before.
So, we get to court house and L and I wait... and wait... and wait.. XH does not arrive.
At precisely 9.55am (trial is at 10am) XH shows up, with OW in tow.
My L rushes him straight into an ante-room assuming that he will be signing off on the draft he agreed to last night.
OW, arrogant hag, plops herself down on the bench, right next to me.
I did myself proud. I kept thinking of you guys (literally reciting all your DB names to myself) and stayed calm and collected.
L eventually emerged with steam coming from his ears to report that XH would not sign the draft and wanted all his original changes that we had spent weeks negotiating on.
We spent the next 2 hours with my L going back and forth to XH and OW who pored over every word and demanded change after change. All this at my cost, too.
L was livid and called XH all the names under the sun - even down to 'f-er' and 'a-hole' . He told me "I don't know how you stayed married to this jerk as long as you did. he is unbelievable".
Eventually we agreed to all XH's BS because there seemed to be no way around the madness of it. He would not agree even to pay half of S15's school fees, for example. He insisted on the old family car going to D17, instead of splitting the cars with me... To add insult to injury, every single page of the 'agreement' was counter-signed by OW as his 'witness".
I did myself proud. I stayed calm, keeping the mantra of compassion over blame and shame. My goodness it worked for me. I just felt that both XH and OW were sadly pathetic. I know XH has lost his children forever. I just want to be done with him and his sad antics.
After the short trial that ensued ( Judge had to read the 'agreement'), I ran into XH coming back from the bar table as I was going out the door. He wasn't going to look at me, I think, but i kept looking at him.
He looked up finally and mouthed "Thanks". He seemed relieved (I bet!).
As we all exited the court, we came together again and he seemed to want to talk. I said "I'm running late for a meeting with S15's teacher and have to run back through town to my car park before i can drive there'. XH offered me a lift!!
I was dumbstruck, but as I was going to miss the (important) meeting (never thought I'd have to be in court today), I said OK.
We all went down the narrow stairs together, me and XH abreast and OW taking up the rear. Can you believe It?
I don't think I was going to do it, I was just going with the flow in a state of shock.
Halfway down, XH does a double take and stops to wait for poor OW, who was visibly fuming. I am starting to think about what sort of wacky situation I have gotten myself into.. when OW blurts out in a voice choked with bile: "We are going shopping and and we won't be driving you anywhere".
I didn't react, as i had decided not even to acknowledge her presence. After a short gap, XH bumbles out with 'Yes sorry about that.. i didn't think this was going to go on for so long today..."
i looked back at him, gave him my best mega-watt smile and said "That's OK, XH, I understand". I then said "It was nice to see you today" and walked forward. He stuttered out "What?" and I repeated myself. I then said "I'm sure I'll see you again soon", gave him another mega-watt smile and took my sexy high heeled, pencil-skirted, tight-shirted, glossy-haired self out the courthouse door.
Later that day after the adrenalin had dissipated, I just about collapsed in a heap on the floor.
BTW, XH looked like he hadn't slept for days, and his signature looked like it'd been done by someone who'd had a stroke.
