melissa

[labug]

And, as I have already said, my H has done MANY things with the kids that I do not agree with. Yet I have respected his right to make those decisions by saying nothing.

Sorry I missed that. I just haven't read where you've talked about those times.

Maybe I am misunderstanding, but your posts lately have come across to me as though you think I should take his crap, feel no hurt or anger, and agree with whatever he wants to keep the peace, to boot.

I don't think you should take his crap but in this instance, I don't see that he's giving you crap. He asked to be consulted (reasonable), he gave you his thoughtful viewpoint (reasonable), he made no demands (reasonable). That doesn't mean your points aren't just as reasonable.

I don't see that there's any keeping the peace to be done, he doesn't seem angry. I see it as reasonable adults discussing what's best for their D and coming to middle ground, a win-win. In doing that sometimes you have to give a little.

I see this as an opportunity to set the tone for ongoing decisions you'll have to make about the kids. It's a small, relatively benign situation so the consequences of a "wrong" decision either way aren't huge. The payoff however, can be enormous.

About the hurt and anger, you can feel it as much as you want or need, just don't make decisions from that place. Reacting from anger usually leads to trying to hurt them as we have been hurt but it solves nothing. We've all felt the hurt and anger and I held on to mine for far too long.

I'm on your side, but that doesn't mean I'll always agree with you. This is tough stuff and we need people to challenge our long held beliefs, or at least that's what I needed. You may want something different. I also learned that when a post made me sting, it meant I had work to do.

Maybe I'm trying to push you to a place you're not ready to go because I've been there, done that and I'd like to save you some of the pain. Being stuck is worse than limbo.

But, the only way through it, is through it.

Have a great weekend with your kids, you need that and so do they. ((( )))