tbm4evr ...continued

[tbm4evr]

Just hard to "see" that all this letting go may bring her back ...i was just sitting here thinking through all the things I do all day still treating her as my W ...From still calling her hunnie to cleaning her car out ...i need to THINK before I speak or act and I thought I had been but obviously have more work to do.

[tbm4evr]

I guess I'll text her back and let her when I truly will be home. [/quote]

Well after I let her know I would be home early she told me she wasn't going out because my daughter was having a friend sleep over. So I stopped in at the llocal pub and a few friends were there so I stayed and chatted and got home at 1. W was up so I thought since it was the weekend I would suggest I get our bed for the weekend ...she said no ..in the morning wife on Ipad looking at houses ..i just made a remark saying "looking to move" ..she said can't you give me space
..i am really working at this but it is so hard ...need to keep thinking W is just roomate ...thanks for letting me just vent here

[tbm4evr]

I feel W and I are growing more distant day by day. I asked W about going to 11am mass tomorrow and then if her and our daughter were going to come watch our sons basketball game that I coach and she said "i dont know what I'm doing" ...i was just shocked as we have always gone to church together and there is more detachment on her part day by day and my part as well with working on GAL/180/lrt ....someone please tell me this is the way it must be to have a chance of reconciling. I feel i need to at least remind her that I want this M and will give her the space she needs but for her to not construe that as me giving up. I know that's pursuing and she will probably say she's done with trying and given me enough chances ...but by my recent actions I don't want her to think I've given up. Help!

[unbidden]

Stop pursuing her. You are not doing DB. She knows you want the marriage to work, you don't have to keep reminding her. She knows when the games are. Let her make up her own mind, she doesn't want to be planning things together. Let her be. I know it's hard but you have to let her come to you. We've all been there so don't fault yourself. Just stop.

[tbm4evr]

Thanks unbidden. I know it's not DB ...just needed the reassurance. W said it seems I've accepted the sitch ...it may appear that way but I really haven't.

[loualea]

I often ask myself is this going to help reconciliation and then I remember it is about me being a better person, stronger less needy more independent.
Then I think BUT I really want to be reconciled and realise the only one I control is me, certainl

[loualea]

Oops

certainly not my husband..
finally I finish with..

did pursuing, crying, pleading help.. at all.. in any way except to annoy him..a lot..
nope it did not - so my only choice really is to work on me, make me wonderful..wait and see if ...

[sandi2]

.i was just shocked as we have always gone to church together and there is more detachment on her part day by day and my part as well with working on GAL/180/lrt ....someone please tell me this is the way it must be to have a chance of reconciling.

Sorry, but this is NOT the way it must be to reconcile!!! You are getting further away from reconciling.

It is fine to vent, as long as I can too. You constantly put pressure on her. Calling her pet names is pressure.. Expecting her to follow traditional routines is pressure. Asking her if she is coming to the game is pressure. And I don't know the heck you were doing asking her anything about preparing your beds. Seriously? ASKING HER QUESTIONS about her activities is extreme pressure! She sees all of this as you smothering her. That is why she reacted like she did. Don't you get it?

Remember, she is preparing for a future without you. She isn't interested in saving the M. Trying to convince yourself that this is all part of getting the chance o reconcile, is you living in denial. She will be out the door as soon as she can make it happen. So, I suggest you get cracking with the LRT instead of acting like you are still in a cozy M.

[tbm4evr]

Thanks for the reality check. I really did need a 2x4 to the head to knock some sense in me. I need to focus and remind myself this is about me. I can't control her. Doesn't matter if she thinks I've given up on the M or not ..she has to want it and that's up to her.

[tbm4evr]

omg ...W comes homes last night just after 1 and is so nice. Kind of flirty; but I just talk about her evening. I guess I should say she talks about her evening and I just listen. I then said goodnight and go to bed. This morning she's sleeping but I dont wake her. Take kids to church on my own. She shows up to church later and then comes to basketball where I coach our sons team. After basketball we all go to lunch with her parents. Just a great day. So now we just get home and I mention last night how I'm glad she had a great night and how nice conversation was with her, etc. She then says "I don't remember anything after getting home last night. Had a scotch night cap at the bar and it was a big pour" wtf ...i said and you drove home? She says well the scotch didn't hit me till I got home. Not good ...i never had a clue last night that she was drunk. I'm so disappointed after what I thought was her having a more PMA about us. Oh well ..i will continue on this journey.