1) Personally, I wouldn't offer to do b-days together. I see what Wonka is saying, but I think she'll read this as pursuing. Put the parenting plan in place based on worst case...you can always be more flexible. I think this works best when you have the day, and offer to share it.
2) Have you talked to more than the 1 attorney? If not, it may be worth getting a 2nd or 3rd consultation to see if you get some differing opinions on how to approach the custody/visitation besides filing for D.
It seems odd to me that she snatched your kids up, accused you of abuse, moved 4 hours away, limits your visitation, and yet you send her money.
3) Lastly....you are very wordy with your responses. I agree with the suggestions of pairing this stuff down significantly. The more wordy you get, the more you let control and hope of R seep into your words. And sometimes, less is more.
The saying, "believe nothing of what they say, and only half of what they do"....that goes for you too. You want her to know you are focused on being great co-parents and that you respect her choices (not agree....respect)? SHOW her. This is hard stuff, and you may have to fake it until you make it, but she is watching you more than she's listening to you.
