W said if I'm home that early she's then going to go out ... so I don't know if I should come home at 8 or just go to the local coffee shop and read a novel till late. Needless to say it will likely be tomorrow/Saturday before having significant time with W to treat her like a renter where she may take notice.
Let me comment on the first part of this quote. If she was just some person renting a room, would you have to ponder over making a decision whether to go home or to a coffee shop? What is your true motivation in staying late, reading a novel? I have to wonder if it your way of keeping her home as long as possible, since she said she'd leave after you got in. You know this is control, right? Would you try to control a renter's personal time? ( As long as your children are not left unattended, of course.)
That brings me to the second part. The experiment is not for her to notice. It is strictly for you to see how differently you would treat her if she wasn't your W. You should not wait until you have significant time. (however, let me point out to not choose the sit down discussion as your time to suddenly decide to try this experiment. Understand what I mean?)
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Come to think of it I did lay in bed with W and kids this morning ...shouldn't have as I wouldnt do that with a renter
Now you are getting the picture. And, I will throw this in also. When I was the WAW, I would have resented very much my H doing something like laying in the bed with me and the kids. I would have felt he used the kids to get closer to me. At the least, I would have felt he took advantage. It is pressure to the WAW, and you need to understand that those type of moves are not good! Even if she didn't let on in front of the kids (which was the advantage for you....right?) it is still pressure on her and it sets you back.
You are correct. You would not do that with a renter. You would not enter her bedroom. You would make a point to be with the children in another area other than the intimacy of her bedroom.
I believe when you start looking at different settings through these eyes, you may be surprised what you will discover. And just as you would not gage how cold or moody a renter is from day to day......or make some remark or do some tactic trying to get her to do what you want, neither should you with a WAW.
You have to use the LRT. You have to let her go. Do you really want a woman who doesn't love you? We can't make another person love us.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
