Need help saving my family - part 4

[Scorp7]

LITB, thanks for your thoughts. I agree, my W likely will not go along with what I'm proposing but I think I need to extend the suggestion to her as a responsible parent. If we spend money on L's we are taking money away from our kids so I think I need to do everything I can to avoid the legal route. Even if there's only a small chance she will accept I think I need to do it.

[Barrybran]

Once you get the wording right, it will be a very constructive letter. I agree with the others that your wife will fight it but you can be proud that you'll have shelved your emotions and tackled the problem thoughtfully and with regards to your wife and kids.

[LITB]

LITB, thanks for your thoughts. I agree, my W likely will not go along with what I'm proposing but I think I need to extend the suggestion to her as a responsible parent. If we spend money on L's we are taking money away from our kids so I think I need to do everything I can to avoid the legal route. Even if there's only a small chance she will accept I think I need to do it.

I don't blame you. Turn every stone....live with no regrets.

[Scorp7]

Thanks again for the feedback. I think the message is close to being ready but I'm going to hold off sending until tonight at least.

[Wonka]

Scorp,

Original Draft:

Hi, thanks for giving me some time before responding to your last email.

Thanks for letting me know about D6's immunizations. I agree that it is a good idea for her to have them done and having them done at the private clinic is likely best.

Great to hear that the RESP is getting setup for S2.

I would rather we not deal with the financial matters until we can agree on a parenting plan for our kids. [I think Melissa's suggestions are good. Replace this with one of her suggestions]

Here is a schedule I will agree to regarding sharing time with our kids. This would be contingent on my moving to the Ws Home Town area.

April 4 to April 11- W
April 11 to April 18 - Scorp
April 18 to April 25 - W
April 25 to May 2 - Scorp
May 2 to May 9 - W
May 9 to May 16 - Scorp
May 16 to May 23 - W
May 23 to May 30 - Scorp
May 30 to June 6 - W
June 6 to June 13 - Scorp
June 13 to June 20 - W
June 20 to June 27 - Scorp
June 27 to July 4 - W
(this would continue indefinitely)

[Too much information. Pare this down. Again, Melissa's suggestion is good.]

In the event one of us was unable to care for the kids during the time they were with us the other parent would be the first option to care for the kids. For example, if you needed to be away for work or some other event and could not care for the kids during that time then the kids would be with me.

For birthdays and other special events we could adjust the schedule to ensure that the kids are with one of us for one year and then the other parent the next year. An example of this would be for D4's birthday this year, the schedule would have our kids with me so we would agree that next year, regardless of how the weekly schedule worked out, our kids would be with you.

[Above suggests that you will be separate in celebrating their birthdays...how about you propose you two come together and organize their birthdays together. Be the bigger person here and offer this. Then wait and see what W says about this offer. Rework this part. What do you think?]

Also, I have heard about an online service called Family Wizard, http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ofw/, which looks like a great way for us to potentially deal with communication. Here are some of the features of the service, http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ofw/index.cfm/features/. It looks to be a good way to handle communication through a third party service.

[This is not helpful at all. You are trying to control W's preferred method of communication. STFU. It is her choice. Your goal is to continue being positive and pleasant in your communications with W. In time, she'll see how silly she has been for hiding behind her MIL. ]

I hope we can be friends and great parents to our kids.

[Perhaps say: As you would agree, it is important for our children to have equal time with their parents. We both love them to bits! What are your thoughts on this proposed plan?]

Thanks,
Scorp
______

[Drew]

I agree with Wonka.

[Scorp7]

Awesome suggestions Wonka, I agree. I think I've let my lack of hope for a R seep into my thinking too much. No reason why I can't be the bigger person as you say. Thanks again for all you help!!!

[Scorp7]

Do you have a suggestion on what I could say with regard to planning to come together for the kids birthdays?

[Scorp7]

I came up with "For birthdays and other special events can we plan to come together for the kids? Possibly plan them together as well? Our kids would be so happy to have both of us with them for these things."

[Wonka]

Scorp,

I have given you some hints and tips. Get crackin' on your homework and rework your draft. I do think you're ready to tackle this with little guidance. And before you know it, you'll be a whiz at this without any training wheels.