Need help saving my family - part 4

[melissag]

I'm sorry to hear about your mother, Scorp.

Remember that you don't have to do anything on your W's timeline. You can tell her that you do not agree with her proposals (really they are demands but let's not stir the pot unnecessarily) but that you will have to discuss this stuff at a later date because you have to focus on your Mom right now.

[Mic]

I agree with Melissa. Take care of yourself.

[Wonka]

Scorp,

I am sorry to hear about your mother. If you are able, try to spend as much time with her as possible. I lost my father to cancer in the Fall of 2012 and the last year I spent with him was the BEST time ever.

When you get the chance, please post your draft response here for feedback.

I am glad to hear that you're going to talk with your L to revisit some points.

[Scorp7]

Thanks for your kind words. I have been spending as much time as I can with my mother and I'm planning to spend more time now. She had so much wanted to see my W and I back together again.

[Scorp7]

Here is my response. I haven't mentioned my mother in it but I think I should so she can understand, hopefully, why I cannot deal with a lot of the other things she's asking for right now. The situation with our kids has to be straightened out though, no matter what.

Here's the message

Hi, thanks for giving me some time before responding to your last email.

Thanks for letting me know about D6's immunizations. I agree that it is a good idea for her to have them done and having them done at the private clinic is likely best.

Great to hear that the RESP is getting setup for S2.

I would rather we not deal with the financial matters until we can agree on a parenting plan for our kids.

Here is a schedule I will agree to regarding sharing time with our kids. This would be contingent on my moving to the Ws Home Town area.

April 4 to April 11- W
April 11 to April 18 - Scorp
April 18 to April 25 - W
April 25 to May 2 - Scorp
May 2 to May 9 - W
May 9 to May 16 - Scorp
May 16 to May 23 - W
May 23 to May 30 - Scorp
May 30 to June 6 - W
June 6 to June 13 - Scorp
June 13 to June 20 - W
June 20 to June 27 - Scorp
June 27 to July 4 - W
(this would continue indefinitely)

In the event one of us was unable to care for the kids during the time they were with us the other parent would be the first option to care for the kids. For example, if you needed to be away for work or some other event and could not care for the kids during that time then the kids would be with me.

For birthdays and other special events we could adjust the schedule to ensure that the kids are with one of us for one year and then the other parent the next year. An example of this would be for D4's birthday this year, the schedule would have our kids with me so we would agree that next year, regardless of how the weekly schedule worked out, our kids would be with you.

Also, I have heard about an online service called Family Wizard, http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ofw/, which looks like a great way for us to potentially deal with communication. Here are some of the features of the service, http://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ofw/index.cfm/features/. It looks to be a good way to handle communication through a third party service.

I hope we can be friends and great parents to our kids.

Thanks,
Scorp

[Scorp7]

Any thoughts on the message? I'd considered changing the last line to "I agree, I don't think we can reconcile, I just hope we can be friends and great parents for our kids." but I don't really feel that way and it might be too much?

[tbm4evr]

If you don't feel that way ...I would be REAL and not say it ..my 2 cents

[melissag]

I'll give you my thoughts, but I'm still getting help with my responses to my H, so don't send her anything until you hear from the vets!

The first few sentences are all good.

I would change this:

I would rather we not deal with the financial matters until we can agree on a parenting plan for our kids.

To something like this:

As you may know, I need to focus on my mother right now, as she is very ill. However, I do think it is important that we address the parenting time issue.

Then, erase that whole schedule and just say,

I would propose that we alternate weeks with the children, as it is important for them to have equal access to both parents. I am wiling to move to [W's town] to make this as easy as possible on the children.

After that, it looks like you copied exactly what she wrote about birthdays, etc. Do you agree with that?

I would also leave out the let's be friends part, and would not mention her comment about no chance of reconciliation. If you want to end with a nicety, you can say something about how you think that it is best for the kids to get along and coparent as amicably as possible.

That's my $.02.

[Scorp7]

Thanks tbm, mel, very good points.

[LITB]

Scorp,

First, I am sorry to hear about your mom's illness. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

I realize that you need to and should exhaust every option possible, before going the lawyer route. I don't believe she is going to back off her demands to be perfectly honest. The gloves have been off for her since she did what she did the day she moved.

It is like a bullying situation. She is going to continue to push until she gets what she wants or you back her up with your L. She is going to be upset no matter what you do, unless you agree to her demands.