melissa

[Scorp7]

I think most WASs tell themselves they are the victim and that they had no choice but to do what they've done. They don't seem to consider that working on the M is a real option with the potential for a very happy outcome. Instead, they create a fantasy world of a future that, as long as it doesn't include the LBS, will be much better than the life they had.

My W didn't act self absorbed outwardly toward me but I'm sure she had become that way before she left and didn't express it. Now that she's gone she is very much self absorbed. I don't know if she realizes it but she's totally thinking of herself and herself only. She's getting a lot of encouragement to be that way as well. A lot of the "you have to do what's best for yourself so you can be happy". That's great except when it comes at the expense of our kids.

[melissag]

And Mr. Charming is at it again.

Yesterday I told H I hadn't made any decisions about the field trip because I wanted to discuss with him first. I asked him for his thoughts. He said he didn't know much about it. I told him what I knew. It was all a very polite convo. He asked my concerns, I told him. He explained why each one of them was wrong. (Shocking.) I was super busy all day yesterday so I shot over a quick text to him to be polite, and said, "I'm not ignoring you, I'm just thinking." A while later, he sent me a text that said, "I'm not ignoring you, I'm just waiting for you to think."

Last night, we had TKD, nothing was said about it. (I didn't really think it should be discussed in front of D9.)

He must have just dropped the kids off at school and send me this text:

You're not going to pretend to think about this for awhile while you're secretly talking to your lawyer and then file something with a court to screw me again, are you?

SMH.

I'm thinking the response will be to just ignore that text and continue the convo about he field trip. How do you respond to crazy?

[PatientMan]

You don't.

-PM

[3boymom]

I would completely ignore his ridiculous text (which I think may be his weird attempt to be funny??) and respond with your thoughts about the field trip.

[Scorp7]

How do you respond to crazy?

I think you hit the nail on the head. There likely isn't anything you're going to say that will really get through to your H. I think the best any LBS can do is try to take the high road on everything, don't get drawn into any arguments, do the best for the kids at all times and take care of yourself. If your H wakes up out of his craziness someday that would be awesome but from what I've read that can take a LONG time.

[melissag]

3boyz, I think you may be right, I'm not sure this is an anger-only text. I think he is trying to make a joke out of it while simultaneously attacking me and making himself the victim.

Eh, who knows WTF he thinks when he says this crap? He probably doesn't even think at all, hat just spits it out. I shouldn't even waste my time wondering, it's just more that I find it interesting.

I do kind of laugh, though, when I consider how his imagination and negative assumptions get the best of him - just thinking about all the evil I could be plotting over a field trip . . . what a dork.

[LFC1170]

Did H think divorce is all cotton candy and popsciles??

I was led to believe its all candy cane trees and gumdrop clouds.

Sigh. There is nothing I can do about the fact that he lives in fantasyland.

tell h to say hello to my w when he sees her

[3boymom]

tell h to say hello to my w when he sees her

I laughed out lout at my desk!! I can just picture our WAS getting together to discuss their fantasies.

[Underdog]

Since my life is a real sh!t show this week, thought I'd come by and try to control yours. And since I'm kidding, that's the last smile you'll see from me right now.

He asked my concerns, I told him. He explained why each one of them was wrong. (Shocking.) I was super busy all day yesterday so I shot over a quick text to him to be polite, and said, "I'm not ignoring you, I'm just thinking." A while later, he sent me a text that said, "I'm not ignoring you, I'm just waiting for you to think."

Last night, we had TKD, nothing was said about it. (I didn't really think it should be discussed in front of D9.)

He must have just dropped the kids off at school and send me this text:

You're not going to pretend to think about this for awhile while you're secretly talking to your lawyer and then file something with a court to screw me again, are you?

Melissa, you're H is a real a$$hole. And now that I've said that, I'll tell you what I'd do. I'm not offering advice here, but if it works for you, then consider it free. For what it's worth. So, if this were me and my XH, here goes.

"I needed time to think - without a lawyer - because I addressed my concerns with you and you presented me with an itemized verbal list of why they weren't valid. I honestly didn't know where to proceed from there. I don't know if you think you're adding levity to the situation by joking, but I don't find this funny. Our kids are reeling from all of this, and I'm barely able to function. That being said, when I asked for your thoughts, I was truly hoping that you were serious about co-parenting together rather than dismiss my concerns. So what's it going to be?"

After reading what you wrote yesterday, have you addressed that insane quantity of field trips with the school directly? Unless she goes to the RM Expeditionary School, I have to agree with you that it's overkill. I understand that schools feel field trips add to the experience, but not that many. IMHO, the sheer quantity of field trips sound disruptive to learning...

Remember the part in DB/DR where Michelle says, "Ask for what you want". It's a good rule of thumb. And I see no downside for you speaking plainly about what YOU want right now. 'Cause his way svcks.

Have a great trip!

[melissag]

Thanks, Betsey. It made me LOL when you said my H is an a$$hole. I'm not sure why - maybe because laughing seems like the only way to cope. I think he's really just a super intelligent, self absorbed, emotionally limited idiot.

And, I think that he really is fearful of what I might be doing or planning behind his back - I think it really threw him that I filed. Of course, that's not my problem.

Thanks for the sample response. I think I will mull for a bit. He just poked me again with a text about S7's booster seat. It was much more formal than his recent banter. I think it really bugs him when I don't respond - I think he feels out of control or something. He is just so controlled by his emotions. I think that's what I used to be like, and I can see now how bad that is both internally and in relationships with others.

As for the field trips . . . they go on some amazing field trips (and a lot of them) and we knew that going in (it's definitely not a traditional school). I really only have an issue with the trips that are four hours in the car each way. It seems like a bit much to me, especially for a 9 year old. Also, they don't have a big yellow school bus with a professional driver. They have a small bus (like a short bus, LOL) and then it's all parent drivers, so I don't even know who she would be riding with. There have only been three of those so far - one I send her on (to Glenwood Springs). One I kept her home, and I think I will this time too.