"I am not obsessed with manipulating him into reconciliation."
of course you are, but you are CHOOSING to not see it. everyone here sees it based on your posts.
after the mediator you kept leading the conversation, discussing reconciliation and talks buying a house together, worrying about coffee and costco and the time frame for fixing his mothers house and sitting in his car or not sitting in his car, or lingering after work, or which txt to send or not send and whether to include a smiley face. <--- THIS IS OBSESSING.
and before you respond, just because you may not have done it today, doesnt mean you're cured. your x has 20 years of your behavior, just because you feel you've changed in the past weeks does not mean he notices or believes it or trusts it. long term consistency is key.
theres a difference between "seeing him do action" and hyper-analyzing his every move. you do the latter.
theres nothing wrong with watching his actions, as long as you dont let it affect you either way. you need to become an impartial observer. you have to be emotionally unaffected by whatever his actions are.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
