Found out W and OM are back in contact. They both plan to D, then M and live happily ever after.
W and I still sleep in same bed, she hasn't moved to guest room or suggested that I move. I have thoroughly detached - she's like a tenant. She pretty much finds another room to hide in when I come home leaving me with the kids and their homework, so I'm getting lots of kid time, which is good.
I am still the sole earner, and have sole access to all finances. She just started a commission based job, so she can't leave yet, and I believe that's the only thing preventing her from filing. I showed her the budget, and I pay a fixed amount on her credit card each month, which covers food and household expenses for all of us, and some extra that's she's using to cover her startup expenses.
I am LRT and detached. I'm working out and picking up a couple of GAL events outside of the house each week to build up my friend base, and to increase time W and I aren't together. I've increased acts of service around the house, consistent for the last 2 months. I'm attentive if and when she ever converses.
I see no change in W at all. She's got an escape plan in her head, and appears to be sticking to it. Save her earnings until she can go. She's becoming more independent every day (which I have to say is very attractive to me).
I just can't help but feel that I'm enabling this whole thing - I mean, she is cake eating now big time. The only levers I seem to have are: 1) control of finances - I could make things painful, but that would be counterproductive. She's going to peg that card out in a month or two anyway, so I know this issue will come back on its own. 2) I could file, which would make things painful, but that would be counterproductive, so that's out. 3) I could open my mouth, but that would be counterproductive. Ha, ha, not going there again. 4) I can just keep detached and GALing and working on me and my future, and maybe something will change, maybe it won't.
It just appears to me that the status quo will allow her to cake eat, use me as plan B, and to not have any consequences for any of her actions until such time as she feels financially independent enough to walk, and only then will reality strike.
This is the doormat vs patient man dilemma, I guess. I can keep my ego in check - patience has always been a strength.
Many people here are already S, or D is filed, so in that sense, my sitch seems somewhat unique. I mean, neither of us has even said the word D yet, although it is clear to me. And it's hard to tell whether being together at home each day is a help because she can see any change I might make over time, or a hindrance because there is no impact of separation.
I just don't want to squander this pre-filing, pre-walk period, and wonder if anyone has any suggestions as to how I could better use it.
