@unbidden - they are not. At this point, I've simply stopped communicating with her mostly.

@NTX - the $1,000 was because she got to claim both of her kids this year, so she would've gotten the money anyway; and I prefer to take the high road. Also, no, she has a 1-year lease that would cost her like $5,000 to break.

You'll love this. She has (since filing):
1. Invited me to dinner, almost begged - I very nicely refused because I said it would be confusing to the step-kids since she told them she had filed.
2. Invited me over for "good times". I very nicely refused because I said I thought it would muddy waters.
3. Said that she loved me, but she filed because she didn't believe I sincerely loved her, and if she came back, I wouldn't really commit to the relationship. I'm sure this is a legitimate fear to her or she wouldn't say it, but I'm pretty sure I'm the one that stuck with her through leaving, binge-spending, an affair, and lots more. Also, I don't think it's wise to make choices based on assumptions of someone's feelings or what "might" happen. You either honor your vows or you don't.

I dunno. I'm back to no contact at this point. I've discovered that sometimes you can be the "spouse only a fool would leave" - but that still doesn't fix whatever's broken in them.

Other than that, good stuff:
1. I have repaired and improved my relationship with MY kids that I had sort of broken down by being consumed by W and this junk. D13 was very stand-offish, wouldn't say I love you - very angry at W. Now, she's still holds a lot of fear and resentment toward W, but comes up and will just hug me, always tells me she loves me, etc.

2. I am starting a new job 3/24 that is a much better fit for me, and working with a good friend of mine which makes it even better!

3. Upon hearing news of the re-filing, several friends contacted me and specifically commented on what a good husband and man I had been. One specifically said: "I'm disappointed in W - I really hoped she would become the person you said she was inside." Made me feel good that I had honored her externally even if we'd messed up internally.

4. I've lost about 6 more pounds, and have been cooking new dinners that the kids are loving. I let them pick from a healthy cookbook, and we go grocery shopping. We had been eating out a lot, and are saving quite a bit of money now!


Best of all, I get bothered and/or frustrated by W sometimes, but I usually just take a deep breath and back off. I'm SO much more able to just detach and respond calmly, and it actually drives W crazy.