I have been drowning in work and have not been able to respond as quickly as normal. But I wanted to let you all know that I am reading your advice and very appreciate of the support.
I did want to clarify a few things in case my prior posts were not clear.
My H was never come to me and said that he wants 50/50 custody now or in the event of a D. If he did, I would sit down with my H and figure out a plan that would work for everyone. Would it kill me? Yes. But I would do it. Under no circumstance will I allow a judge to determine my future with my children. I appear before these judges on a regular basis and would never trust them to determine custody arrangements for my children.
I also wanted to clarify that I have been beyond flexible in terms of our custody schedule. In February, my H went out of town three weekends in a row (plus another five days during one of those weeks). Before he left for the first trip, he asked me if I would agree to five separate changes to our schedule during the month of February. I agreed to all of them immediately. I have no problem being flexible so long as there is isn't a conflict that cannot be change.
The problem arose when he came back after the first trip. He got home on Monday and we did not hear from him until late that night when two of the kids were already asleep. On Tuesday morning, he said that he would come see the kids during the day, which was fine with me. He called me while I was driving home from work and said he did not see the kids because he was working. I did not invite him over because I had already made plans with my mom for dinner.
My H was pissed that I did not invite him anyway because he had nothing to do and wanted to spend time with the kids. He said that I should be flexible moving forward because he could always ask for 50/50 custody. I asked him if that was what he wanted. He said no. I told him that I was aware that he could ask for 50/50 custody but felt that it was unnecessary to remind me of that fact because it felt like a threat and because it did not help resolve the matter at hand.
To me, it felt like he was using it for leverage and it hurt a lot. His comment had NOTHING to do with the issue that we were discussing and did not help to resolve anything. I was the one that addressed the actual problem at hand (which was that H called at the last minute and wanted me to drop my plans because he had nothing to do and wanted to see the kids) and proposed a solution. I told my H that I would be flexible so long as he did not wait to the last second. In response, my H claimed that he is not a planner. I told him that if he decides to go out of town, in light of our current S and our current custody arrangement and he wants me to be accommodating, then he will just need to plan in advance. He cant claim that he is not a planner and then expect me to drop my plans for him at the last minute. I did that during our M and I am done waiting on him to arrange my life. He agreed.
When my H throws around custody and injects it into conversations like it is no big deal, it hurts. Instead of letting my H see that pain and/or letting him get me all riled up, I just come here and let out my sadness and anger. My H probably has no idea how hurt I am by this because our interactions have been great lately.
