Need to figure out how to GAL more but most free time is spent with our son. Just he and I most of the time. I work a lot so when I'm not working I want to be doing something with him.
Doing stuff with your son is GAL'ing too! GAL just means get out and do stuff separate from your W. There are no restrictions on it! Take your S to the park, fly a kite, ride skateboards, take him to a clay-sculpting class, swing on a swingset, go to a movie, etc. etc. It's all good!
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I'm not into the bar scene
25mlc hss s great list of stuffnshe did. Awe inspiring. ...
Why do people always identify "bar" with GAL?
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When the weather gets warmer it will be easier to do things outside - yard work, golf, bike ride etc.
There's plenty of indoor stuff to do too. In the winter I take my kids to the movies, take them to painting classes, indoor mini golf and go-karting, laser tag, I go to the gym, I play Bingo with friends, go out to eat, etc. etc. Don't make excuses, just get out of the house and do stuff!
25yrsmlc has a greati
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
Went snowmobiling with a friend on Saturday and today went to church with our son, then we went out to lunch and played pool for a couple of hours. He's becoming quite the pool shark @ 10. Helped him with his homework, played some games with him this evening and kissed him good night.
My day is complete.
Me: 55, W: 46 T: 17 M: 15 S: 10 3 S prev M 25 23 21 Unhappy 10/12 Asked to move out 1/14 NILWY 2/14 Sep rooms: 1/14 BD 3/14 W filed 5/14 Trial 12/14
It has been quite a day. My W told the MC & me she wants a D today. We went together about 4 weeks ago then the MC met with each of us separately a week ago. I guess my W just needed the emotional support to get it off her chest. I am so thankful to have read DB and most of DR by the time we went back to the MC. She told the MC she was 90% sure. So I still have a chance...lol.
My W wants to separate but wants me to leave the house and I've said before that I can't let our son watch me leave. So I guess the only way that she feels that she can have space is by me being gone. I did tell her if she needed space - she should go and I would support her decision. Said she has been unhappy for years.
This is going to tear our son apart. How is the best way to handle this? Tell him we both love him but W & I can not live together.
I think I have sometime before that conversation...
She has lots of free time to do as she pleases because of the hours I work. I have been giving her as much space as possible within our home. I have been doing the 180's and will continue.
When she said she wanted to D. I just told her I understand her and will support whatever decision she wants - no begging, pleading or bringing up what I feel is best for our son.
Thinking I should see a lawyer tomorrow just to prepare for the worst while I continue to GAL and work on me. I had been working on the connection based on another online site (talk charges/touch charges etc.) but now feel that just pushed her further away.
She is defiantly involved in a EA. I am at peace with whatever she decides. It seemed after she said she wanted a D that she was surprised by my response - but I'm not really sure what to think tonight.
I picked up our s from after school care and had dinner and played bb before putting him to bed. She just got home and asked how I was doing. I told her I was fine but now we have lots of things to talk about. Not sure if that was the right thing to say.
Should I let that drop until she brings it up? Hope for the best and plan for the worst?
Should my posts go to a different forum now?
Any advice would be appreciated from someone who has been there.
Me: 55, W: 46 T: 17 M: 15 S: 10 3 S prev M 25 23 21 Unhappy 10/12 Asked to move out 1/14 NILWY 2/14 Sep rooms: 1/14 BD 3/14 W filed 5/14 Trial 12/14
My W told the MC & me she wants a D today. We went together about 4 weeks ago then the MC met with each of us separately a week ago.
Yes, unfortunately this is usually the result of going to MC with a WAS. It pushes them to make a decision faster, and inevitably that decision is S or D. I would suggest you stop MC ASAP. Leave your W alone, give her time and space. MC is pressure and she doesn't want pressure. She will respond to pressure the exact opposite of how you want her to respond, it never goes your way.
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My W wants to separate but wants me to leave the house and I've said before that I can't let our son watch me leave. So I guess the only way that she feels that she can have space is by me being gone. I did tell her if she needed space - she should go and I would support her decision.
Good! Hold your ground. If she wants S, then SHE needs to make the difficult choices involved with that. Do not let her browbeat you into leaving. She will probably say stuff like "well if you leave then I will consider reconciling, but if you don't leave then that tells me what kind of person you are and I will NEVER come back to you." Don't believe any of it, it's like a pouty little kid having a temper tantrum when they don't get their way.
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This is going to tear our son apart. How is the best way to handle this? Tell him we both love him but W & I can not live together.
He's 4? I would consult with a child therapist about it (along with your W), at that age it's very difficult to communicate what's going on to him.
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She has lots of free time to do as she pleases because of the hours I work. I have been giving her as much space as possible within our home.
Giving adequate time and space when both are under one roof is all but impossible. These situations rarely resolve with both parties living together.
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When she said she wanted to D. I just told her I understand her and will support whatever decision she wants - no begging, pleading or bringing up what I feel is best for our son.
Very good! Keep that up! Consistency is important.
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Thinking I should see a lawyer tomorrow just to prepare for the worst while I continue to GAL and work on me.
Absolutely. No need to tell W, it's just for your info.
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Should I let that drop until she brings it up? Hope for the best and plan for the worst?
Yes and yes.
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Should my posts go to a different forum now?
No, it's fine to post here as long as you want. You can see how long I've been here and my threads are still in this forum (although I do plan on moving after the D is completed).
Thank you for your response. The MC was both our ideas so needless to say I was surprised. Our son is 10 and sure he knows something is going on. He asked W why she sleeps upstairs in the other bedroom.
Part of me feels at peace not hanging in limbo.
Should I begin to separate bank accts or just keep everything the same?
Me: 55, W: 46 T: 17 M: 15 S: 10 3 S prev M 25 23 21 Unhappy 10/12 Asked to move out 1/14 NILWY 2/14 Sep rooms: 1/14 BD 3/14 W filed 5/14 Trial 12/14
After the MC B drop just continuing to give her more space and doing things with my brother and other friends. Keeping very busy and have excepted the fact that my W is not interested in M not now and maybe ever. Working on being the man only a fool would leave. That should only take a lifetime, if you're not growing you're rotting.
W did ask about property division - which we can both agree on, so far... Should I let her know my thoughts about that or just listen to hers? Tell her I understand but but haven't really thought about it.
I know the biggest issue for W is 50/50 custody - she has told me she will fight to have full custody. If she moves forward with the D I will seek joint custody and in our state they usually do 50/50 whenever possible. Any advice for how to deal with custody talks?
Thank you for taking your time to answer!
Me: 55, W: 46 T: 17 M: 15 S: 10 3 S prev M 25 23 21 Unhappy 10/12 Asked to move out 1/14 NILWY 2/14 Sep rooms: 1/14 BD 3/14 W filed 5/14 Trial 12/14
Your sig says he's 4, or do you mean you have 4 kids? Abbreviations around here for kids mean gender and then age, so S4 = 4-year-old son.
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Part of me feels at peace not hanging in limbo.
BD was less than a week ago, don't get ahead of yourself! You're still standing at the starting line of this marathon. I remember thinking that I was accepting the sitch pretty well and detaching nicely the first few weeks after BD. Yet I was shedding weight like I was training for a marathon and I couldn't sleep at night. It was about 2 months after BD that I well and truly crashed and experienced real clinical depression for the 1st time in my life. Wow did that ever give me a newfound respect for just how serious an illness depression is. Anyway, don't have any expectations that you're over this, because you're not. Your feelings are going to slap you around like you've never been before, it's best to be prepared for it!
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Should I begin to separate bank accts or just keep everything the same?
I wouldn't be in a rush to do that unless you see indications that your W is going crazy spending marital assets. But DO keep and save financial records if you've been lax on that before.
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W did ask about property division - which we can both agree on, so far... Should I let her know my thoughts about that or just listen to hers?
Is she bringing this up or you? The division of assets is a negotiation, so yes, you should let her know your thoughts.
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I know the biggest issue for W is 50/50 custody - she has told me she will fight to have full custody. If she moves forward with the D I will seek joint custody and in our state they usually do 50/50 whenever possible. Any advice for how to deal with custody talks?
Tell her you want 50-50 and if she won't negotiate the point then consult a L ASAP. You don't need to tell her you're hiring a L, just do it. If she leaves the house and takes the kids and refuses to give you visitation then you've got a real problem on your hands. It is better to be proactive and hire a L NOW then it is to try and "fix" things after they're already screwed up. Courts will look at past visitation patterns, so if she leaves and you only see the kids once a week and that goes on for months before you start fighting for more visitation, the courts will likely say "you've accepted brief visits for months and now the kids are used to that, it is not our position to change that now". It happens often.
It's been a great couple of weeks since my W told me at C she wants a D. Taking our son to our lake house, giving me a chance to relax and give him all my attention. I think the only reason she has not filed i because she wants full custody and knows I won't go along with that.
Living life as if she is not in it, because right now she doesn't want to be. We did talk about division of property - which she seemed fine with. I probably shouldn't have but ask asked her what her plans were about the D.
When they are in this place their brain does not work right. When I told her I would work more on the week when she has our son and have more early days when I have him she said if you could do that why didn't you do that years ago. Hard to understand their logic when they are in the fog.
When you detach does it sometimes feel that you don't care if you get back together or not? Because that's how I'm feeling right now.
Looking forward to a great week.
Me: 55, W: 46 T: 17 M: 15 S: 10 3 S prev M 25 23 21 Unhappy 10/12 Asked to move out 1/14 NILWY 2/14 Sep rooms: 1/14 BD 3/14 W filed 5/14 Trial 12/14
