Just a thought, but I think you really should try to honor your husband's feelings toward your friend. I understand the closeness you feel for him, and I understand that it is platonic. I am willing to bet that deep inside your H understands that you would never be intimate with your friend.
What is eating at your H, I am willing to bet, is the intimate, emotional closeness you share with this person. THAT is what is causing his feelings of jealousy. The time you give to that person, and the complete devotion of your attention, and the obvious care you show for this person I believe is what is causing the problem.
No, it is not a rational feeling. But he IS entitled to his feelings, and I am sure that if the roles were reversed, you too, would feel a sense of 'being left out in the cold.'
My H is somtimes jealous of my best friend, and my best friend is a female. It is hard for him, sometimes, to see me so 'in tune' with another person, especially when he feels that he and I are not that 'in tune.'
Do you have a right to your friendships? Of course you do. But as one of your most trusted friends, Bret must also honor your relationship with your H, and it sounds to me that there may be a competition for your 'time' going on. If you allow this to continue, it is going to rip you right in half. You OWE your husband your loyalty. By marrying him, you agreed to put him first above all others. That you even resist this with your H is what is making him feel doubt.
What I would do is ask your H how you might construct your time with Bret that would make your H feel more comfortable. If the sexual innuendo is bothering your H, you and Bret must honor that and knock it off. If Bret cannot honor that, you need to be very clear with him that you cannot continue your relationship. The person here who needs boundaries, it seems to me, is not your H, but your friend.
I truly believe what your H is jealous of, again, is the emotional closeness, the emotional intimacy you share with your friend. And even if he is gay, it still is different having this type of relationship with a man rather than a woman. And the more 'emotionally close' you become to your friend, the further you and your H are going to drift apart. This I believe would happen even if this person WERE your brother.... at some point you must draw a line and reserve a certain level of emotional closeness only with your spouse.
Even though you would never sleep with this person, it could very well turn into an 'emotional affair' and that can be as damaging as a physical affair because it DOES draw your attention, your love, your devotion away from your family.
Yes, you should always have room in your life for your friends. But if at any time those friends begin to come before family, I think you must take a look at your own motives and what it is YOU are getting out of the relationship that would allow you to put them first, family second.
