Thanks for the great response! I am glad that you've weighed in on your particulars - it's good to know that you have dealt with your abuse in a healthy way and are continuing that work.
The comments I made were taken from points our MC made when we were still seeing him, prior to our separation in November/December 2003. I had heard those things before but it came home again after he talked with us. In my wife's case she also is able to be completely intimate during sex, profoundly so even...but much of the time she just wants it to be fun and playful and can't stand it when I pour my heart and soul into lovemaking. She has said for a long time that it is too taxing for her when it's always "serious". So I learned to make it a lot more playful/lustful - that is a large part of how we did it in the lifestyle, as I'm sure you can imagine. The problem was of course that she allowed her emotions to get caught up with almost all the male play friends until finally one of them really shined out when our marriage broke down and she fell in love with him. This is, I think the most profound risk that people in the lifestyle take. Also, she has recently told me that her continued sexual relationship with him is "fun" and having no commitment to him makes it that much more fun. This admission seems to support my theory about her motivation - that for her, at least, sex cannot be about intimacy most of the time, that it has to be fun and lustful and playful but cannot be connected up with TRUE intimacy, because she is not fully able to be vulnerable. I do not know what level of intimacy she has reached with the OP but she has described their encounters as "fun" not as soul-mate material. Hard to say if she is lying at present, since she has lied to maintain that relationship many times, so I try to take everything I am seeing with a grain of salt. As Michele said, believe none of what you hear and only 50% of what you see, because the WAW is speaking from fear and lots of other negative motivators.
Anyway...hope your weekend is going well!
Anyway...I appreciate your points very much and I am glad that you look at sex the way you do. I wish more of us did - there would be a lot less abuse in the world.
