I think hey you are doing great, look how you are positive and then some stupid thing happens and I fall back and I know I am not detached.
Intellectually I know, focus on my life Do the things I want to do. Make choices for me. I see my WH so rarely it gets hard to remember he has changed how he feels about me and that he is having an affair and wants a divorce. Somehow I forget, start to feel positive about life then there will be a text or an email or some lie will surface and I realise I was feeling positive because I had forgotten, not that I had detached!
He is on a business trip he said. He had his phone off... maybe he is avoiding her I thought.. what a fool I am to even care.. seems like it is more likely they are on holiday together..or am I making that up too to make myself miserable. We are supposed to be organising to sell the house, he leaves for the best part of 2 weeks with nothing organised. It is hard for me to detach when at times I feel hopeful. He seems positive or friendly..I know if I am caring what he is feeling I have not detached at all.
I have given myself a time line of one year before I make permanent decisions for me. This could be a bad idea.Maybe more stress than I need but if I just surrender now then I will always live with the doubt. Could the relationship be saved. Should I care? Does he care? Seems not to.. does that change who knows.. Seems like most people write off a marriage when it is in this shape.. Can't say I blame them..
One thing I have remembered is that some of the things he does that affect me are things he has always done. He is not a big replier to emails. Until the last few weeks I have been working myself into a fit because he is so distant and does not reply.... but that is normal him, not walkaway him... I do have alife before I am told to GAL .. I have no time or energy for more...after work, sports, hobbies, some friends... I want to detach so I don't feel so vunerable to his actions. Is it self talk? I hate being always on the edge of tears or panic...or need ing to ru 10 ks to calm myself down... advice for the self talk, for the WAH that is so rarely around...
