Where I have not done well is with the separation. We had a big fight last night because I would like to set up a schedule, and she wants no part of this. I may have to move past this, and go legally, because she seems to think she can just come and go as she pleases. This does not work for my children, or for me.
Instead of the marriage counseling you've been going to to work on your "interactions," would she agree to see a good FT (family therapist) -- "to learn to work thru this phase with what's best for the kids" ??
Any good FT worth their salt would point out to her the importance of structure and schedules in your kids' lives with this stuff.
