I think I belong here....

[praying_in_GA]

So, Rick directed me to Eric's post about fear. A lot of it resonated with me. What AM I afraid of? I am going to be brutally honest....

-Breaking apart my family. My kids deserve two parents in the home. They do not deserve to get shuffled between houses on the weekends, summers, and holidays. H wants to move to Seattle (we live in GA). I do not want to send my kids out to Washington for visits. I want them here with me.

-My kids compete in gymnastics. I work nights. I homeschool them. Our life is complicated and difficult to do alone. We are always going or doing school. If he moves to Seattle and they go visit this will mess up their training. If I am doing this alone I will never sleep because I will have to drive them to and from practice 5 days a week.

-Work. We had planned on me going part time (two 12 hour shifts a week) once he graduated. That's gone now. I want to be home with my kids. I want to be a better mother and teacher to them.

-Starting over. I don't want to. I don't want to date again. I don't want to try to find love again. I don't want to be a step-parent. I don't want my kids to have step-parents.

-Alone. I don't want to be alone but who is out there looking for a mid 30's mother of three?

I want my marriage. I want my husband. I want my family.