I think I belong here....

[praying_in_GA]

Thanks be to Rick1963 for pointing out that I may belong here.

Well, here goes...and I do apologize for the length.

We went through this in Oct-Nov 2009. I found my old stitch and re-read about half of it before I was ready to slap the crap out of myself. #1 I made so many mistakes and discounted so many people's excellent advice. #2 I ended up right back there 4 years later. Here we are again.

H is turning 36 this year. I will turn 33. We have three amazing kids ages 8, 6, and almost 2. (The last time this happened my 6 year old had just turned 2. What does he have against 2 year olds?) We have been together for 14 years and married 11 years this August. He is a full time nursing student set to graduate this Dec with his Bachelors degree. I am a full time RN working three 12 hour night shifts a week. He has been unemployed and a student for 3 years now. I KNOW it is hard for him to be not only unemployed but also a full time nursing student and a father. It is emasculating for even the most testosterone filled man.

He didn't want to be a father. We discussed this before we got engaged. I told him I wanted kids. I told him we only had a few years invested...we could walk away and find what we were truly looking for. I told him not to marry me unless he was willing to have a family. As you see, we ended up married with children. He adores his kids and he is an amazing father. My kids are very lucky to have him. Our third child was a huge shock to our lives. Three days after finding out I was pregnant he got laid off. It was a hard situation but we made the best of it.

Our first foray into this realm consisted of ILYBNILWY, I have been unhappy for years but kept going because you wanted me to, I need to go find my happiness and you do to. This time is no different. Only add to this that he wants to move across the country, buy a motorcycle, and join the Navy. He says we are amazing friends living together raising kids but he does not love me as a spouse any longer.

He is partially correct. We have been in separate rooms for 2 years now. He originally moved out of the marital bed when #3 was an infant. He was getting up early for school and didn't want to disturb us. He has been gone since then. Now we live in a different house. His room, closet, and bathroom are all on the 2nd floor...mine is the master on main. We have lost that spark that makes friends lovers. I still dearly love him but his love is 'gone'.

He is still living in the house and has no plans of leaving...for now. When this subject came up a couple of weeks ago we agreed to try to make it work and put more effort into us. It lasted those two weeks before he told me that he saw me trying and he felt bad because he wasn't. He doesn't want to lead me on so he wanted to 'come clean' about it. He says he sees this ending with us as friends and not married.

I haven't follow the DR principles well so far. I asked him how we are supposed to work this living together yet separated thing. Should we live around each other? Interact? Watch movies and go do things together? We had previously planned to go hiking this weekend. I asked him about that. He said he still wanted to go because "That's how things start anyway." I do NOT want to hang my heart on hope filled ideas like this.

So, he isn't moving out. He doesn't want to work on things. He sees this ending in divorce but as friends. He wants to find what makes him happy and I deserve to do the same. I "deserve to find someone who loves me like I should be loved." He said he is just unhappy and does not want to look back on his life with regret.

He told me to go do things that make me happy. Spend the weekend away. He doesn't want to know what I do or where I go....just tell him when I am going and he will take care of the kids. I should go find myself and my happiness.