Need help saving my family - part 4

[Scorp7]

Ultimately, I want to R with my W. If it takes years I am willing to stick with it.

Besides that, I was equal time/custody of our kids. I am willing to relocate to the area my W is in to make that possible (since it's unlikely she will agree to come back to my province willingly).

For the financial matters, I will go along with anything she wants to do provided she agrees to sharing our kids. I could agree to selling our house, business, trailer etc, and not hold that as any kind of leverage for the sitch with our kids but the financial matters are the only real leverage I have right now.

[Wonka]

Scorp,

Let's work together here. State your desires next to each of the subjects listed below.

Kids:

House:

Assets (money markets, CDS, stock, rentals, etc.):

Furniture:

Funds (kids' activities, clothing, health, etc.):


What do YOU want to see happen, Scorp? Put on your business hat.

[Scorp7]

Thanks Wonka

Kids: 50/50 shared time and custody. Willing to relocate to make that happen.

House: We can put this on the market now. It likely will take a long time to sell but anything is possible.

Assets (money markets, CDS, stock, rentals, etc.): They can be sold as well. The business is a complicated matter and will take a LONG time to sort out.

Furniture: She can have what she wants provided I still have furniture for the kids as they will be with me half the time.

Funds (kids' activities, clothing, health, etc.): I am already paying her monthly child support of the amount my W has requested.

[Scorp7]

I've got admit, I'm having serious doubts if filing for D is the right thing to do. I don't want to do anything that would jeopardize my kids losing their Dad so if filing now gives me a better chance of 50/50 then I need to do it. But, I'm still not convinced that filing gives me any better odds than maybe some other options. I'm thinking I need to seek out more legal advice before I proceed with D.

Besides that, maybe I do need to just stick with being reasonable with my W. If I do have a L offer her a 50/50 split there is much more chance that things could go smoothly than if I, for the sake of negotiations, say my kids have to move back to our province and that I will seek full custody.

This is a big reason why I didn't want to have lawyers involved. They are only thinking about the legalities of a situation and not so much about the damage that may be done to the family if things get really ugly.

[Scorp7]

"We both know that there won't be a reconciliation."

I know I shouldn't let this hurt me but it just rips my heart out. How can she say things like this? Unlike so many others on here, we've never worked on our marriage. Not for one day. No counseling, no talking about things needing to change or else, nothing.

I feel like I need to face reality. Our old M is done, obviously, but I don't see how there could ever be a future together again.

Oh, and just to rub salt in my wounds, my oldest D is telling me about pic my W's "friend" is sending her, constantly, from his vacation.

[MrBond]

You're not the only one. The majority of people on here have never worked on their M and the WAS doesn't bring any of the problems up until they're ready to leave.

[Scorp7]

MrBond, it's amazing to me that the WAS would do that but then I suppose I can understand it in a way. If they felt they were working on the M, even if they didn't tell their spouse they were, they thought they already did all they could so why bother doing anything else after they leave.

[Scorp7]

I spoke with my marriage coach tonight and we came up with a good approach to how I can respond to my W. I think my W is likely feeling like if she opens up to me I will start to pursue her again. If I agree with my W that I don't think a R is possible (I don't really feel that way of course) that she might feel more inclined to open up and communicate a bit more freely with me. If I just tell my W I hope we can be friends and good parents to our kids (I do definitely want that) she may agree.

I think it's a good idea.

[Scorp7]

Sorry if I've been rambling a bit today. I'd been waiting to here the results of my mother's trip to the cancer center all day and then I received the email from my W this afternoon.

I just found out tonight that my mother's cancer has progressed to the point that she may not have much time left. It feels like I'm losing everything I love most in this world right now, having a hard time keeping strong.

[unbidden]

Oh no. God bless you and you're family. I know times are tough but you have a big strong support network supporting you here.