AJM - now that i'm older I have a better understanding of her state of mind than when I was 12. When you're a kid and you're raised a certain way, you think of things in black and white I guess - at least I did I think.Mostly you don't know all the details so you just figure she's a bad wife. Then once you're older and experienced more things you can sort of understand more that it wasn't just her being a crappy wife. I understood later that she was 30 something and we were living in a strange country (dad was in the Air Force) and she was raising 3 kids and he was very very focused on his career. He neglected her and it caused her to find attention elsewhere. Is that a good reason to cheat? No. But once you experience that neglect first hand you sort of understand one's need for love, affection etc. He wouldn't go to counseling, was afraid how it would look since we lived on base. So it takes 2 and they both played a role. I think she also had a lot of hormone imbalance, perhaps her own MLC and she's sometimes emotionally unbalanced. No they're not good excuses but I could understand better as an adult that when another man gave her lots of attention that she craved that she gave in to the temptation. Incredibly selfish? yes. Back then though, this was late 70's, early 80's - there was no internet and not a lot of books like we have now, people weren't talking about these things so much. I feel like i'm lucky to have found this place for sure and read so many books. Unfortunately though my mother's behavior was sort of accepted and i never really saw them fight about it - they may have - so I was never really shown that this is NOT how a marriage should be. I have since learned otherwise. Sorry to hijack the thread
Me - 42 exH - 56 Married 10.5 years Together 17 bomb dropped 1/6/14 signed papers 2/4/14 H moved out 2/22/14 D final 4/4/14 Dropped the rope 5/17/14 2 cats, 2 dogs
