[BrightFuture]

Busting, yes, I did have fun over there. I was excited going there to spend some time with my son and my friends. I was a bit uneasy about H being there at the same time, but I thought I would not see him, just like last year. You are right, he absolutely knew that he would see me, all these interactions were not a coincidence (except the last day when we met at the gate.) I was the one in the dark, because my friends (mutual friends) didn’t warn me. I don’t know why they didn’t tell me, but it happened to be for the best. Surprisingly it was easier than I thought.

It is interesting what you said about his abrupt leaves. I know it was not a reflection on me. I didn’t think that it was probably not that easy for him to physically make himself leave.

Job, this is what I also thought, that it got too comfortable for him and I have a feeling that he realized that too. Yes, he does a lot of things to work on. According to my mutual friends he is back to exhibiting some anger and intolerance. I will elaborate later. Thanks for praising me. I am very please how I handled myself too.

There are a couple of things that have been on my mind these past few days. Our interaction during past weekend reminded me the time when I just met H. I was working on a remote international construction site as an interpreter. I was a field interpreter as opposed to the girls in the office. They got to dress nicer. I had to wear an old army jacket and pants, men boots and a hard hat. I came to the office to use a restroom and that’s where I saw H. He saw me at the same time, and from his own words immediately liked me. Maybe it was a key back then for H to even approach me. I looked so approachable and easygoing. So, this past weekend I didn’t make any special effort to look my best. I was just me, with a smile and good attitude.

After we met at the construction site, H kept in contact. We spoke on the phone and I asked him about the company where he worked and how I could get a contract with them. He tried his best to help me. I was surprised that he actually followed up on some of my requests. Other guys on that project were interested in me, but none of them made a special effort to see me as friend first. So, last weekend reminded me a lot of what H did for me. It did seem like he was making that special effort during the last weekend.

At the same time, I didn’t get a single hug from H. He gives hugs to everybody he knows, so it was kind of strange for somebody who wanted to be friends with me.

I went to a winery yesterday with my GF (the bar owner.) She told me that she had a conversation with my mutual friends at the vacation home place last weekend. This was after we saw H at the strip club. My mutual friends told her the same story, that H pi$$ed some of his friends over there because he is so opinionated and intolerant. This happened before with H. First he likes somebody and is willing to spend all his free time with them. Then, something happens and he is irritated with what the person does, or he doesn’t agree with something the person says. Then he gives people the piece of his mind. He did this in his work environment too and lost a couple of contracts this way. I always asked him to be more patient with people, so he doesn’t lose the work. He agreed, but could not help it sometimes. I think he is still carrying a lot of anger.

My friends and my GF think that it looks like H is kicking himself for splitting with me, but he is way too stubborn to do anything about it. I know how stubborn he is. It will take for him to hit the rock bottom to even allow of any thoughts of a possible R with me. He also needs to deal with his anger. I don’t know what that bottom will be. Is he near it already? He is losing his so called friends, he hasn’t met his “prefect” woman, he says he is broke. I hope that his new friend over there would advice him to go to counseling or seek some kind of help for his anger and depression. My mutual friends told me that this new guy is a successful and very intelligent person (BTW his wife died not so long ago), so he should be different from H’s drinking/partying buddies.

I still don’t know what I feel. I feel relieved that H was nice and didn’t avoid me completely, that I was someone and not an enemy or nobody. I am happy that he is treating me better. I just cannot figure out why I have these feelings. Do I see hope? Do I just like that I’m not a bad guy anymore (sort of validation)? At the same time I feel sad for H. I want to help him. I know better to not intervene in the process though. I realized that I still have much love for H. I guess I’m a hopeless romantic after all, LOL.