Giving her time and space and being patient is critical. It's also very difficult. I've been in the situation you're describing for 15 months. I'd like to hope your situation may move more quickly. On the other hand, "time is a gift". There is nothing fast about this. Over time, I have come to accept that for me, the time has been valuable. For the first 3 or 4 months, I didn't get the scale of this as I didn't want to. I wasn't DBing, I wasn't a good partner then (and prior - obviously). Time has helped me, and it will you too. I'd like to hope it would help your W too.
Now, after this time, I understand that the changes I make to improve are for me and that my old R is dead. I try not to dwell on, or pine for, what I've lost or losing. Instead I force my focus on my present and doing my best to make tomorrow better. On tough days, I focus on getting by hour-by-hour.
If I choose to stop standing, I want to be able to look back and say I tried my best. 2+ years doesn't seem that big to me in that context (despite the difficulties day to day).
Don't want to come across as a know it all gogofo. Your story and words move me & I want to support. Your doing everything right, just don't expect (or let the absence of) fast results dishearten you.
