Need help saving my family - part 4

[Scorp7]

The other point that I didn't mention is that my W and I have full custody of our kids right now.

Just to be clear, I think you meant to say that she has full custody right now, correct?

No, we BOTH have FULL custody right now. There has been nothing before the courts at all changing anything with custody of our kids. That can't happen until one of us files and even then it can take years before the courts to have that defined.

That is why what she is doing is technically illegal. I could bring our kids home as I said above but in that case she would then go and file papers to have the kids brought back to her province. It would be awful for the kids. I haven't done anything like that and have gone along with allowing her to dictate terms thinking that she is just angry, needing time and space, etc, and then in time she would start to be reasonable. It hasn't happened and the longer I wait hoping for that the more I hurt my chances of having equal access to my kids.

[Scorp7]

My opinion, since you asked?

Since what you proposed is SO opposite to what she is proposing, she won't even finish reading it.

Short and sweet.

I am wondering the same thing. In that case, there is nothing more for me to do but sit back and wait for her to get the D papers.

I have always been pretty big on doing what I say I'm going to do so when I told my W I would respond within 1 or 2 weeks I wanted to do that and give her one more opportunity to deal with me about the custody of our kids and not a L.

[Drew]

You can still do that, but I think I would just agree to disagee with her at this point.

Listen Scorp, everyone here wants to help you get through this, no matter what the ultimate outcome. But our advice is usually clouded by our own experiences.

It's YOUR life, you have to make decisions YOU can live with.

[Scorp7]

For sure Drew I was mainly just looking for advice on the tone, format of the email itself. I tried to keep the emotion out of it, basically the same way I would deal with someone on a business matter. That feels so wrong since I'm dealing with the love of my life about our kids but it's the advice I've received and I have agreed with it.

One other thing I should mention about the email. The shared custody is totally contingent on my W and I living in the same town/city so our kids could be in the same school, same after school activities etc.

[Wonka]

Scorp,

Okay...this is quite complicated with the Canadian laws that seem not to have a formula for joint custody in place. Wow.

If what your W did is "technically illegal", then what are your options in this? Is filing for D the ONLY recourse you have? Don't you guys have controlled legal separation (CS) that spells out shared custody schedule, and financial matters (paying mortgage on house, joint bills, kids activities) up in Canada?

For now, I am going to ask you to rework your draft and try to whittle it down to 1 to 2 paragraphs. Can you do this? Then post your draft here again for some input and feedback.

[Scorp7]

Wonka,

I agree, the laws here pretty much set families up for a battle unless both parents can be reasonable. When one of the other is unwilling to do that then it can turn into a total mess (pretty much where my sitch is now).

There are options for not filing for D to establish time with our kids. The problem apparently is that I would file an application for what I want, my W would then do the same and it would become a case of battling applications that likely would go nowhere. My L said this was pointless in a sitch where the M was headed for D anyway. Not sure about that since I don't want to D at all. I'm in a bit of a bind because the L is charging me for any questions she answers at a rate of $350/hour and we are already in a financial bind with my W leaving.

There is also a legal separation up here where all terms of the separation are defined in a legal document that is enforceable in court but for that, again, my W would have to agree to sharing our kids. She has refused to do that so I could not agree to a separation agreement.

I can try to whittle down the email somewhat but I don't know that I can get it down to one paragraph. If it's too short does it not leave more room for misunderstanding?

[Wonka]

Scorp,

My L said this was pointless in a sitch where the M was headed for D anyway. Not sure about that since I don't want to D at all.

Then why did you have your L file D if you really don't want a D!?? Your L isn't a DBer and doesn't know that some marriages can be saved through DBing. If I were you, I'd talk with your L and revise your approach.

There is also a legal separation up here where all terms of the separation are defined in a legal document that is enforceable in court but for that, again, my W would have to agree to sharing our kids. She has refused to do that so I could not agree to a separation agreement.

Why isn't this being enforced? Then haul your W before the judge and explain that you are being blocked from seeing your kids. Doesn't the separation order include arrangements for the kids as well? Is it spelled out?

Before you revise the email response, I would like to understand what YOU want better here. If you would be kind to list them here, it'll help us understand your position better. Which, in turn, will aid all of us in offering you input/feedback on your email response. Make sense?

All we have here is knowing what W wants and has requested. We just are not clear on what YOU want here. Do you see where I am coming from here? We're working with what you post here.

[Scorp7]

Well, I just got another email from my W. We always did think alike, she must have been thinking about needing to deal with things too, just totally opposite from how I want to deal with them.

Here's her message:

I made the business loan payment of $dollars on date February. I attended the branch and deposited $dollars to the business account to cover my half of the shortfall. The bank draft carried a $dollars charge that's why you see a debit of $dollars. We have run out of account cheques. In discussion with BankPerson at the Bank in City, it would cost about $dollars to get a new book of cheques for the business account (as the ones we had were the free ones you get when you first open the account). It only costs $dollars for a draft to be done so being that it is only needed quarterly - the better choice financially.

Are you good with the schedule with the kids? Will you be coming the weekend of the 14th? I would like to keep stability and reliability with the schedule....like I've said before, the kids need structure and having a set schedule as to when things are happening really helps with sleeping, eating and behaviour patterns.

I am in the process of setting up an RESP account for S2 - its an application for a grant just like what was done for the girls. A $dollars grant that the province of alberta does. I'm working with FinancialAdviser to get this done.

Immunizations. The health nurse for D6 school division called saying that D6 is in need of the 4-year vaccinations. The health nurse is attending the school in April to take care of the vaccinations for the school. I decided it be a better choice to take D6 privately to the immunization clinic. I have discussed the immunizations with D6 and she is okay with it. D6 has also had the opportunity to discuss the immunizations with Psychologist.

Disposition of the house.....I can see that the line of credit creeping up to max and you have had to put a lot through on the CreditCard. I really think we need to decide and agree on what to do with the house, trailer and shares quickly. I had thought that with having the property valuations completed that you were on board with selling the house. Something has to happen here, Scorp. Neither of us can move forward with the way things are. We both know that there won't be a reconciliation.

[Wonka]

What DO YOU want on these ^^^ items? Lay it here and we can help you gain some clarity on them.

[Scorp7]

Wonka, I have retained the L but she hasn't filled for D yet. I have a bunch of paper work to provide before that happens so it will take some time. I can still decide to not file for D right now.

As to the current sitch with our kids, from what I understand I would have to file an application for my W to come back to my province. She could then file one herself to stay where she is. The L didn't think that in that sitch it would help and we would just be wasting time/money. With the issue of my W blocking me access to the kids, again it would be an application that would be blocked by my W. The only action that has any real teeth to it is if I file for D and then, if it goes before a judge, the judge would then define custody. Other than that it's just a negotiation between either my W and I or my W's L and my L.