My feeling is that I am being polite, although that sometimes smacks of hypocrisy to me since I am still so angry at how he treated me
Time, space and working hard at the forgiveness part will aid in the lessening of the anger. For the first five years after Ms. Wonka left me, I was angry whenever a memory of Ms. Wonka was recalled and I associated it with the awful things she did. With time and hard work on the forgiveness part in tandem with texting and recent phone calls, the anger part has pretty much dissipated for me.
I've decided that holding on to the anger isn't doing me any favors. Why would I want to continue holding on to the anger? It just doesn't change the facts or change the situation. Two nights ago, Ms. Wonka and I had our phone convo (the last one was just over a year ago). After the call, I felt a shift in me: Ms. Wonka and I talked as friends. And I saw her through a different lens and I finally put the anger part to rest with that phone call. It is internal after months and months of hard work at the forgiveness gift.
Whenever I felt anger, I used a stop sign in my head "forgiveness!" That helped me slowly shift and slowly shift my perspective. Now, I see Ms. Wonka in a different light.
Keep plugging away at the anger, my dear. Keep on chipping at the large boulder one piece at a time until it is reduced to nothing. You'll get there if you put the effort to it.
Staying stuck on anger kept me from seeing Ms. Wonka in a new way and appreciating her good qualities. That, for me, was the key in moving away from the anger square that I was standing on because I wanted to be 'right' in holding on to the anger. It didn't help me at all. In some ways, it hampered my progress. A damned shame and if by sharing this experience with you and others can aid you in moving past the anger, then good!
