There's another dead bishop on the landing...

[LoisB]

And something else.

I've spent my whole life alone. As a kid, my parents weren't available. My mom drank and my dad was a selfish narcissist who thought only of himself.

I was alone.

I married someone who was unavailable. Someone who couldn't really be there for me.

I married without ever really dating anyone. Went to an all girls' school and married by the time I was 22.

What if reaching out and getting to know people is PART of my Journey? A healthy part of my journey?

I don't have fun. I've always been like this. I've pushed myself and pushed myself and pushed myself until I collapse.

I think being ready for some fun is healthy.

Have I don't it perfectly? NO!

I've effed it up. I texted the forester when I was desperate and my jeep was broken and I need groceries. So what? I screwed up.

Will I marry the forester? No.

I was in therapy by the time I was 15 for severe depression. I went to Co-dependency tx when I was 19 because I was suicidal. I've been in and out of therapy and Al-Anon and other 12 step programs since I was a teen.

I'm sick of analyzing. I want to enjoy my life a little.

I think it's healthy. I know it's healthy.

On this board, we can become, in my opinion, a little too rigid in HOW we should handle this journey.

This shid is hard and it stinks and it's lonely and for anyone out there trying to do it perfectly...it ain't gonna happen.

For the first time in my life, I'm looking for my own Joy and I'm reaching out. I need more girlfriends and I need to get to know to other men. I've been limited in my interactions with men to Smokey, my abusive stepdad and my dad. None of whom are stellar examples of manhood.