Here again, afraid it may be too little too late

[nit84]

That exercising will do 2 things first, it will make YOU healthier and feel better about YOURSELF.

second, it will allow something other than your sitch to occupy your mind for a while.


Hang in there!!

[lost18]

I played softball tonight, been about 4 weeks. One of the difficult things is when people ask about my H or how our visit was. It was shitty! Busy weekend with D12. Def like being busy, keeps my mind off the crap!

[lost18]

Spent most of the day yesterday at the fields with my youngest, was a little concerned about being alone all evening as all of my kids had plans but I ended up going to dinner with friends! All in all I'm doing much better. The hardest part is the lack of communication w/H!

Going shopping with D15 in a bit, going to find a couch. One thing we fought about, H said no new couch until we got rid of the kids and the dog. Our couch is old and gross....I'm getting a new couch!

[lost18]

I thought nights would be the most difficult but it's mornings. I really miss talking to my H. Miss his voice.

Appointment this morning at the school board to process for subbing. Been a while since I've been in a classroom. A little scary! Yikes!

J

[melissag]

Lost, sounds like you pushed through and made it a good weekend. Good luck with your appointment today!! And good for you for buying a new couch.

You don't have to tell people anything you don't want to about your H or your sitch. I am 5 months since BD, and there are still times where if someone asks where my H is, and I know where he is, I'll just say that. If I don't know, I might say, "I'm not sure," or "he didn't come tonight." Or if people ask where the kids are, I say, "they are with H."

There are certain people (and times and places) where I just don't feel comfortable sharing the real story.

[nit84]

Great advice Melissa!

I made the mistake of talking to too many people at the beginning of our S.

As I started DBing and I moved home I have 2 friends that I lean on That is it. I have even stopped talking to my family about my sitch. I just want my family to support both of us if we R so that is why I have quit explaining things to them.

I first went to a very close Mutual friend of both of ours hoping she could help out as she spends a decent amount of time with my W. She says my W never brought anything up to her. I find that hard to believe but I was never asking specifically what W was saying just trying to get a feel for her position.

I still talk to this friend because we are close we just don't talk about our sitch at least on my side not sure about W.

As far as I know this friend has never told anybody that I even came to her a frazzled mess and I trust her but it is better just to back off.

She is not taking sides which is awesome and she know how much I love my W and knows that nothing "bad" happened to make us separate. It is just a choice the W made.

[lost18]

Yup, I have told very few people, my sister and friend neither who live close so I recently told a friend who lives here. His sister knows also because he told her. It is nice having a friend near who knows, she has been thru it so understands how what I'm going thru and it is someone I can go have dinner and drinks with.

Not much new here, keep moving forward. I did talk to H today. I texted him asking him to call and he did. Realistically we could have communicated over text but I wanted to hear his voice. I did however only talk about our taxes and think I even said goodbye first...we actually talked 3 times.

The old saying is "actions speak louder than words" his lack of communication is speaking loudly. I also have to let my actions speak...even if he can't see them right now. I still have a long way to go but I am definitely moving forward.

[lost18]

Sad today. I guess these "business" conversations with H make this more real. I wish we could have figured this out before it came to this. Unfortunately he doesn't miss me. I hope he does someday.

J

[lost18]

I look at little things and they give me hope. I emailed H last night about bill, he responded very quickly, we emailed a couple times back and forth. Strictly business, I read thru the emails again and thought how "formal" they were. Shot him a quick email saying so...he responded "hahahaha...sorry, just woke up!" I know that is so not a big thing...but it was so normal. sigh.

Moving forward but miss him terribly.

J

[lost18]

I really need to detach. So after the little "haha" email I replied to H about some medical bills. Purely business except for the statement that our new insurance kind of [censored]. He did not reply at all. Maybe he thought it was getting to "normal." He is trying to prove his point that he is done. He has not talked to D12 since last week and that was via text and I don't think he's texted D15 in almost 3 weeks. I get him not talking to me, I don't understand that at all. I know he misses his girls. He must feel guilty.

On a positive note I went and bought a new couch yesterday. Of course I'm totally questioning if I made the right choice! Typical me. I hope when it is delivered I love it!

I wish I didn't miss him so much. I'm used to him being gone but not the no contact. I hope he doesn't think that my lack of contact with him is because I have accepted his decision and moving on. I am going to fight for my marriage and family.


J