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Ok. Time for journalling about the day.

Jeep is back in the garage. I'm so relieved to have my Jeep back. Whew.

I have the temporary child support papers here. They arrived this week. I will begin filling them out.

I may put in an application for legal aid because I know this process takes awhile and if I need to use legalaid, at least it will be in place.

I'm not negotiating with Smokey anymore. Yesterday was it. I can see where his head is at. There will be no agreement on terms. He is still one angry, confused, sad man who is holding onto his retirement with two fists. In some ways, I'm relieved. At least now I know I can't negotiate and someone else will have to handle this burden, someone able to handle this burden way better than I'm able. I'm allowing myself on sentence of analyzing...he still seems confused about what he wants and how to go about it. The man I was communicating with didn't seem like someone looking for a quick resolution. His responses indicated he was slowing the process. But, maybe it's wishful thinking. I did have a few moments of sadness yesterday when I heard a song that reminded me of Smokey. So sad.

Next big task, get summer in place financially. I need to figure out how to earn through the summer. I'd like to join the tech writing society beforehand so I will have access to some assignments on the society.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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"its a Jeep thang" ~~~ waves ~~~~

I have a 2010 Jeep Wrangler Rubicon... loving it!!!

((hugs)) Heather....its all I have!!!


M:46 H:49 T:20yrs
myD:22
H distant summer/12
H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12
BD: Dec 2/12
asked me begin to move end of Jan/13
moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff)
"agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
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Heather,

Learning how to be independent when you are not used to it can be hard. But very empowering. I was raised to be a strong woman BY two very strong women. You are doing well, moving forward and now getting some of that support in place.

No more running out of groceries.

I also wanted to say that I agree with Wonka with regard to you dating. As a single girl, let me tell you how well I understand missing physical contact and a shoulder to lean on.

The intitial interaction with the forester was postive, but there were lessons for you to learn there as well. The fact that you twice went a bit off the deep end texting him should ring a bell with you.

You are in your own growing phase and you have a D19 who is going to look to your example. Be strong in your own right before requiring a man to validate you. Is that what you want to show your daughters? And Heather, when it becomes tough to "be alone" ask yourself this: if you are reaching for a band-aid outside of yourself to make you feel better and validate you - who does that sound like?

That question keeps me honest with myself.

And Heather, when you are truly ready, it won't matter if the man is older than you, or a bit chubby. It is the inside of a man that counts - loyalty, honesty, integrity. That is what counts.

Now go get your sh!t together for another busy day.

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Why have I felt this burning desire to defend myself on this board lately??

Funny thing. I'm actually feeling pretty ok with where I'm at. I'm learning, I'm moving forward, I'm parenting, I'm running my business, knocking out stuff on my to do list and dealing with life as it comes. Not perfectly, but I'm handling it.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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I'm more detached than I've been with Smokey.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Am I really effin up here? I don't think so????


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Quote:
Why have I felt this burning desire to defend myself on this board lately??

That should tell you something.


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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Dating:

I have an 11-yr-old daughter with Asperger's. I am her safe place. I am with her 24/7. There is only one other place she will spend the night, my mom's apartment. She hasn't spent the night there in six months. I'm rarely alone. The most I get is 3-4 hours at a time.

I couldn't go fucc around even if I wanted to. I'm a mom every day. Part of the reason Smokey left is because he couldn't handle the Asperger's. She slept with us for the first 8 years of her life. Even when she was put in her bed, she ended up in ours in the middle of the night. She had night terrors and nightmares.

Parenting her is a daily challenge. It's getting easier, but it's not for the faint-hearted. I've hung in there and done a damn good job.


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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What it tells me Eric, is that I'm not representing myself very well on her lately...


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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Here


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
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