melissa

[bluesgal]

M-

I think I can relate here. I'll slightly hijack and then bring it back around

For years I've felt that my H does the same as yours: Doesn't acknowledge/validate/empathize with my feelings unless he thinks they are justified. Now bring that a step further and the same goes for this sitch: My D15 often feels hurt/confused/rejected by H because he always 'downplays' what's happening right now. Glosses over things. So here, my D is aching for her dad to come home, he comes to visit and acts like life is good. It leaves her confused. She wants to hear him say 'this [censored] and we're working on it' or ' I know you're hurting.'

Back around to you: I think I see this happening with your D. She sounds like she is confused about some things and hurt by things, but doesn't know if her bad feelings are ok since her dad is running around acting all excited about crappy stuff. Yay the dad pad instead of owning the reality of the kids having their family torn apart. Fish murder instead of 'This is the circle of life' or simply asking if she's ok.

Long, winding ramble. What I'm trying to say is that I agree with the counseling so she can feel safe and assured that her feelings are ok and her truth can be told and validated by someone other than her mom that she knows will tell her kind things.

My counselor told me that kids need to have that validation or they feel like they are going crazy.

For example 'My parents are getting divorced and it's tearing me apart, but my dad says how fun the dad pad is....'

Sorry, you know how I despise that label