Zew called you out on the store interaction. You resisted her feedback.
You said it was meant to be 'humorous". Sorry I just don't buy it. I didn't see anything funny about that remark.
And when Melissa tells you the same thing, you still don't concede that your comment was not conducive to good relations with your w. You still resist.
The remark was not needed. So I'm just adding my .02 to say, I agree with their comments and hope you can learn from them.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Trust me on this one - It's not a good time to try to be funny.
Your W is listening to everything you say with a filter. She's listening for criticism. She's trying to pick up anything she can that will let her hate you for it. She's not really hearing anything that you say, and she's not going to give you the benefit of the doubt. She's listening just enough to try to pick up something that she can hate you for, because she needs to hate your right now to rationalize her behavior.
This is why everyone advises you to choose your words carefully and keep conversations to the point.
I have a sarcastic sense of humor. I will work to keep that in check.
I can be very sarcastic when I do stand up comedy. But if it's not self deprecating, and it's in a personal relationship, sarcasm reveals anger or contempt. At least it did the last time I looked up the word.
I don't mean to harp at this but you still won't concede that you were being snotty with your w, plain and simple. WE ALL HAVE BEEN THERE, but when 3 women point it out and you continue to insist that we don't get it or that you meant to be funny...i just feel so much resistance I don't get it.
Admitting you let your anger affect you does not make you evil. Stubbornly insisting you did nothing like that, is just stubbornness and it's not serving you well. Here's the interchange according to You:
me: thats vw. I drink vw zero w: what's the difference? me: vw has 20+g of sugar and zero doesn't and im trying to lose weight. w: (laughing) Oh! I didn't notice. they all look the same. m: good thing I was here then or you would have bought the wrong ones w: (stares at me w/ hate in her eyes) I wouldn't have done that!!!
Oh! Oh! what did I do now? WTF! In my mind though im saying "because when u go shopping u buy all of your things and F*** UP! the things I need and your only comment is "who cares? eat it anyway It won't kill you!"
This ^^ bold part is pure anger from you. You're mocking her and you resent how she shops and forgets what YOU want. You think she's selfish that way and it shows. The first part, where you wanted a pat on the back for being there, might have worked, except you added the part about how she'd be "Wrong" without you there,
and saying that is not going to help YOU. And she HAD been laughing when she said they all look the same to her. That was self deprecation on HER end...imo.
that's my .02
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
ok, I concede. Yes im angry. this sitch has affected everything I do. Affected all my relationships with family. With our son. But I have not SHOWN it at all, effectively keeping a cheery disposition when im not alone and it has been noticed by others. The anti-depressants have helped.
Me 43 W 43 S 10 (Special Needs) M: 14 yrs T: 18 yrs Bomb: 09/16/12 Filed for D: WHO KNOWS???
weekend has passed with no incidents. Invited w to watch movie w/me. she refused and I said it was fine. Went to see my cousin for a talk that lasted all night and morning. Went to visit my mother with my son. w went out drinking w/friends. I said have a good time. See what the week brings
Me 43 W 43 S 10 (Special Needs) M: 14 yrs T: 18 yrs Bomb: 09/16/12 Filed for D: WHO KNOWS???
Things have been very amicable lately. w said she was going out again the other night. She usually discloses everything about what she does but she doesn't do it this night. Now I wonder what she is going to do. She leaves with her laptop and a bottle of vodka. I know i'm not supposed to but i'm not at that point yet where it doesn't bother me. I said have a good time and left it at that. Most people i talk to say that i'm being stepped on by her and that I should put my foot down. DR stresses that no reconciliation can take place if the WAS feels tension or pressure and so I rescinded all my ultimatums and deadlines. So how can I put my foot down without putting pressure on her? I mean, I feel, she's been a grade A cake eater. Its been very hard to resist not taking her temperature on where she's at. I've been turning down chances to meet somebody else almost every day but I believe in what i'm doing to try and save my M
Me 43 W 43 S 10 (Special Needs) M: 14 yrs T: 18 yrs Bomb: 09/16/12 Filed for D: WHO KNOWS???
Very bizarre happenings last evening. Our son was away in after program and I decided to watch a sex education film that was very explicit. w was locked in her bedroom with headphones on so I didnt expect to see her and even if I did expected her to just brush it off and have her go on about her business. She pokes her head out and asks me what im watching. I stopped the film and didn't respond. She comes out to me and asks me again and I answer her honestly. She then asks why I would be watching a video of that and I say ...
"Im looking into all aspects of my life and things I can make better, I will make better"
She then decides to actually sit down and watch it WITH me! It was awkward at first but I then decided to take it as it comes and asked her flirtatiously...
"So you're interested in this program"?
She says that she needs to learn too for her "next partner"!?!?
HEARTBREAK! but I didn't show it. I wanted to turn the program off right there but then she would ask what's wrong and I didn't want to get into it. I waited till she went out and then turned it off. I then yelled at my TV...
"THAT WAS F'N WEIRD!!!
Today is my anniversary. I know im not supposed to feel the way I feel to be DBing successfully but im ok outside and inside a picture of emotional disaster
Me 43 W 43 S 10 (Special Needs) M: 14 yrs T: 18 yrs Bomb: 09/16/12 Filed for D: WHO KNOWS???
Anniversary has come and gone with no recognition by the two of us though it weighed heavily on my mind. Could not project my usual PMA on this day. Try again tomorrow.
Me 43 W 43 S 10 (Special Needs) M: 14 yrs T: 18 yrs Bomb: 09/16/12 Filed for D: WHO KNOWS???
