About the financials, I feel like if I get a big pay raise now all she will do is expedite her leaving. My window to DB while leaving together will be smaller
Being a good provider IS a good, attractive thing. I don't think you realize that. MANY women report staying in an unhappy marriage, because their h's were good providers and good dads. No one leaves a marriage BECAUSE the partner earns a lot of money...
Are you saying "we're too poor to divorce" and thinking that is a long term solution? B/C I don't agree with that at all. I understand it, but I don't agree.
If you think about men/women at a biological level, or use the "caveman" theory, you can see that a woman (especially if she has children) SHE needs and wants to know that when her mate leaves the 'cave', he'll come back, and he'll return with some meat or berries or other Food...
HE wants to know she'll keep the fire going, the children fed & will welcome him home upon his return...she'll prepare what he brings home. HE will check into the scary noises at night, and he'll fight the sabertooth tiger if it tries to come inside the cave, SHE will help him, and watch his back.
I say this^^ b/c it's the "Best Mate" theory, that has some biological science in it.
Also, In a survey of what spouses want in their partners, men said the thing they most valued in a mate was attractiveness, and peace in the home.
Women said they most valued "Fidelity & Security" in their partners.
Fidelity is a fairly obvious one, but in addition to being sexually faithful, it means sticking up for your w when someone criticizes her, even your own family (especially your own family).
"Security" means physical & financial safety. Stability...
A roof over her & her kids' heads, food on the table, is key to this. There are women to go way too far with this and are materialistic.
For a woman at a gut level, constantly worrying how you'll provide for your kids, & having a h who is chronically underemployed or in debt, or who gambles a lot, or spends too much, just eats away at her.
Read Sandi's earliest posts about how she felt in her long term marriage, with a h whom she loved.
But after He'd been unemployed for so long She had to get another job to put food on the table, & had a wealthy OM lurking in the background, well, she was frightened and confused, and felt lost.
You have a lot of issues, but your take on finances is an odd one to me. If you were INSIDE Divorce proceedings, I could see your approach better, strategically. But your present approach is almost like you are heading that way and maybe setting it up to happen.
Food for thought.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
