I'm feeling so lost to be honest. I feel like he looks at me as less than an acquaintance. Someone he barely tolerates. I'm not sure I have much hope. Has anyone heard that song Say Something, by A Great Big World and Cheistina Aguilera? That sums up how I'm feeling right now.
I am trying to have no expectations of him, but then he does something small, which I see as a small baby step and my spirits lift a little and then it's like he realises and has to kick me back down.
I just don't know how to deal with things if he will not speak to me, at all! He is still so strange - he will talk about the gym, his work, but not about the kids, our relationship or what he wants to happen next. I thought there was small baby steps when he started asking me about my gym.(Previously he has asked me nothing about me, not even a token 'how are you') But then last night he took the car. I told him I needed it for the school run and he said he would have it back in time. He didn't bring it back so I fad to walk them to school. I texted asking him about it at 10 and he said he would have it here shortly. It's now nearly 12 and still no sign of him. What is he playing at? Control games? Everything he does is a secret. I don't know where or who he is with, or any if what he does outside work. I am trying so hard to detach, not to care or wonder about it, but it's difficult. He still gets to know my schedule, everything I do is around the kids
And so now since hasn't brought me back the car, I haven't been able to go to my social welfare appointment, I haven't been able to go grocery shopping or take my kids out for a treat like I promised them. It's so frustrating!!
